To Each Her Own

7 Months to The Day!

2010-04-21T13:02:00.000-07:00

Holy matrimony, Batman! I just realized that in exactly 7 months, almost to the hour, D and I will be tying the knot. I thought maybe it was time to check in with my wedding time line because "November" and "7 MONTHS" have two completely different responses from me.

November- Oh yeah, so much time!
7 Months- Holy crap. I am so behind on everything.

It had been so long since I had been on theknot.com that I had completely forgotten our password and username (remember, we've been engaged over a year now.... and I'm pretty sure the last time I logged in was like three days post engaging).

I had the lovely task of crossing things off, and the unlovely task of realizing how much needs to be done and quickly!

So, first step is to reserve rooms. How many and where. I do not know. We have a place close to the venue, but the room rate is $169 a night, which seems steep for our small town.

I am trying not to stress out, but I feel like I've suddenly been dropped into a giant bowl of jello with only a wee little spoon (I'm also hungry right now).

Onward march (or may, rather!)

La Vida Loca

2010-03-02T08:49:00.000-08:00

Well, my life went from 0 to 60mph in about a week. Deb and I are in the process of moving, our big competition piece for theatre has public performances and competitions coming up, and then on top of that I'm stage managing at a local community theatre.

What happened?!

This is just a tiny little post-- an amazing college student at Texas A&M has entered the Pepsi ReFresh Project, which awards $50,000 to the top 10 ideas. The gal wants to start an LGBT Resource Center for Youth and Adults in Bryan/College Station (where A&M is). It is sorely needed, and if you have a few seconds to vote-- it would be awesome. Currently, I think the idea is #25. Voting ends March 31 and you can vote every day!

You can vote by clicking here

Also, don't forget that I'm also blogging over at So You're EnGAYged!

This. Is. AWESOME.

2010-02-17T12:16:00.001-08:00

Guess who is a new blogger for So You're EnGAYged?

ME!!!!!

Who's that About Me bio on the front page right now?

ME!!!

Who is so totally stoked to be writing for the coolest, most awesome-st, best site for Same Sex and Allied Couples who are gettin' hitched?

ME!!!!

Seriously, I am so pumped! If you have never visited the site, you should, because it has loads of Allied and LGBT vendors, Real Same-Sex Weddings and a collection of really smart, funny and intelligent bloggers that I am so honored to be joining!

But! Continue to keep checking back on this blog as I will be writing different content for each!

I hope you guys are having an awesome possum week!

Super Exciting!

2010-02-15T08:33:00.001-08:00

I have some crazy exciting news to share with you...

Tomorrow!

Lots of really great things are going on and I am super stoked!

Paper Flowers

2010-02-09T13:45:00.000-08:00

Deb is a huge book person. I am also a book gal. I love reading, when I can find the time. D and I talked about somehow incorporating our love of books into our bouquets, so naturally I went to etsy and went on a little journey:

I discovered Paper Librarian's Shop, and this great brooch, which could easily be turned in to a boutonniere:
Then I found Suzanne B Webb's shop, which has sets of these guys for very cheap:

I totally bought some. And then I came across this fun, up cycled ring bearer pillow from Weddings By Becca Mari

which lead me to this beautiful creation from the same store that has me seriously reconsidering real flowers for *at least* my bouquet:Paper Ranunculus. Gorgeous! And so well made. I would be interested to see if the book paper brooch idea would be something I could DIY, but for $5.00 for 9--- I don't know if it worth the stress, or self deprecation if I can't do it.

From the Times, of course

2010-02-08T09:16:00.000-08:00

A favorite Monday activity of mine is to go to the New York Times web page and view the "most popular" tab from the front page. I am always surprised by what America blogs about, emails their friends about or recommends to read. It is such a diverse little section, and I always enjoy taking an hour or so to do during lunch, or during some down time.

For example, did you know one Sinatra Song Often Strikes a Deadly Chord in the Philippines?

But that is not what I am blogging today!

I just finished a really interesting op-ed piece by Frank Rich (whom I love) about the blatant bigotry around Don't Ask Don't Tell, and a little bit about gay marriage too. I know it is an opinion article, but it is nice to read.

Sometimes, I think since I am so involved in this topic, and am gay that maybe I'm a scoatch biased. Yes, thank you captain obvious, of course I'm biased! This is my life! But at the same time, it is nice to know that I am not crazy for thinking other people are crazy. I don't understand how people see letting gays and lesbians serve in the military can hurt "troop morale". I think they are f'ing crazy. I think they are just homophobes and nothing else. I try to see both sides of every coin. So maybe these folks think that we are just homosexuals and nothing else. But, clearly, homophobes can openly serve in the military...... so then, after a few minutes of playing devil's advocate, I just start thinking they are close- minded f'ing crazy idiots again. But it is nice to read an article like this affirming that I am NOT crazy, nor am I enacting some sort of weird reverse discrimination--- plain and simple-- these people calling for no repeal, are just loony. I hope that made sense. It is Monday and my brain is not fulling working.

On the the article!!! If you don't want to read it, here are a few of my favorites:

If gay Americans are to be granted full equality, the flimsy rhetorical camouflage must be stripped away to expose the prejudice that lies beneath.

McCain aside, the most common last-ditch argument for preserving “don’t ask” heard last week, largely from Southern senators, is to protect “troop morale and cohesion.” Every known study says this argument is a canard, as do the real-life examples of the many armies with openly gay troops, including those of Canada, Britain and Israel. But the argument does carry a telling historical pedigree. When Harry Truman ordered the racial integration of the American military in 1948, Congressional opponents (then mainly Southern Democrats) embraced an antediluvian Army prediction from 1940 stating that such a change would threaten national defense by producing “situations destructive to morale.” History will sweep this bogus argument away now as it did then.

Happy reading!

Oh No!

2010-02-04T13:02:00.000-08:00

I had my first wedding related stressy pants dream.

Dreamed that the only thing in place was the venue-- no food, no photographer, no booze, no flowers, no veils (we aren't wearing veils!), and no make-up.... we ended up going to wal-mart and buying covergirl and some hippy dippy shop to buy tiaras... (gag).

And then, no transportation, so we were escorted to the aisle in Jackie of All Trade's unwashed Scion XB.

And it was raining.

And we had to convince one of our guests to be the officiant last minute, and had them fill out and online officiant application from my iphone.

Sad thing-- this dream happened TWICE IN ONE NIGHT. See, we postponed the wedding in dream ONE to give us more time to get food for people and a photographer and then I had a SECOND dream and we had the food and photog, but this time-- we forgot to send out invitations-- so no one showed up!

So weird.

Tune it Out

2010-01-29T12:12:00.001-08:00

I've been listening to some rocking Pandora music channels today, hoping to catch some new artists I like. I'm also secretly hoping to stumble upon some wedding songs.

Deb and I have some terrible luck when it comes to songs. We seem to have problems finding and sticking to songs that we like without being tainted. Petty or no, it is a problem. People of the Jury, may I introduce the evidence:

Exhibit #1:
Bubbly by Colbie Caillat was one of the first songs we connected with in the sappy ridiculousness of those first few months of dating. I adore this song and really love how it describes the feeling of being in love.... or so I thought. Apparently, this song is about orgasms. Or so a vast majority of the population (or just my friends) seem to think! Yes! Here I was all innocently thinking it was about love and how cute Deb looks when she crinkles her nose at me, but really the whole damn song is about sexy times. So now, thanks to that one little bird that mentioned this to us, I can't listen to the damn song without thinking "HOW MANY PEOPLE KNEW ABOUT THIS BEFORE ME?!"

Exhibit #2:
I'm Yours by Jason Mraz was, by sheer coincidence, the song that was playing when I proposed. We have loved this song for a while and I have loved Jason Mraz before he became some big alt-pop star. But now, this song is freaking everywhere! So what was once just Mr. Mraz and his ukulele, from some demo CD he made that I downloaded from Napster or something is now some giant ass song that is crazy popular, digitally mastered with strings and crap and on some stupid preview for a movie about a serial killer in Hawaii. And I do not like that one bit.

Though I still totally heart the song, it will be played at some point the wedding... I just don't know where.

Exhibit #3:
Lakme Flower Duet by Mozart I could live with it when it was the "Virgin Airlines" theme song, and when it showed up on Godiva Chocolate commercials. Everyone loves chocolate. I could even get past that episode of the L Word. But now?! NOW?! This gorgeous piece of music is now being used for Animal Planet's "Animals: Untamed and Uncut". And when I hear those opening notes, all I can see in my head is the lion attacking a jeep in the middle of a safari.
It really isn't a pretty site.

So what should I do? Try and block out the noise that surrounds these songs or continue searching? What if I can't tune it out and I'm walking down the aisle and see a lion attacking a jeep, and then the bull goring the bullfighter?!

I know married friends say "You won't even hear the music," but I still can't help but worry about these silly things. I think it helps me procrastinate those Save the Dates I'm supposed to be working on.

Speaking of music and save the dates-- check out these super awesome ones from Etsy Seller EliminateUgly.

The octopus is the company watermark-- wouldn't actually be on the invites..... you probably could have figured that out for yourself, but it is the end of the week and I thought I'd help you out a bit.

Happy Friday, y'all!

This is Pretty Cool.

2010-01-20T12:30:00.000-08:00

This couple is donate 1/4 of their wedding budget to help fund relief in Haiti. I think that is spectacular!

I'm sure you are inundated with calls to help this country. But, if you are looking for specific LGBT organizations to donate to, the Olivia Organization (of cruiseline fame) will be matching up to $7,500 in funds donated to the Red Cross.

Click Here to read the press release

You can donate here.

Rich Bride, Poor Bride

2010-01-18T18:37:00.000-08:00

There is this new show on the TV (Women's Entertainment) called Rich Bride, Poor Bride. Maybe it isn't new, but it is new to me. And it is terrible. And amazing. And I sort of throw up a little bit when I watch it. But. I. Just. Can't. Look. Away.

I just watch these brides talk about how the day is all about them. and they are the princess. and their lactose intolerant grooms should shell out the bucks to rent an ice cream truck.

I was up till 4am last night watching this show (and Platinum Weddings-- which is pretty much the problem with America right now in 30 minutes). And I just kept getting mad! At the show! At me for watching the show and judging these brides extravagant decisions. I mean, if I had $400,000 dollars I would buy a house, but maybe they really really do care about the 700 guests, and it is money well spent.

Here was the biggest problem of all-- I was feeling 'wedding inferiority', aka my wedding isn't 'chic' enough, or cool enough, or whatever enough. And then I was feeling 'wedding superiority', aka my wedding is much more meaningful, or just plain better. And then! I felt bad for both.

We try to hard not to judge people! But there I was! Sitting and judging. And, to be honest-- I sort of liked it, in one of those twisted snarky ways. But like most things that are bad for you, I'm going to have to cut back.

I will say though, some of these weddings were gorgeous and gave me some fun ideas! I just need to remove a few zeros of the cost.

For instance-- One bride had the guests throw rose petals as the couple exited the aisle. I love this! I think it is fun and sweet and will make for a pretty awesome moment. Check this photo out:

See? Isn't that pretty?! Main difference between our wedding and the one I saw on TV? The roses won't be imported from Holland and placed in 24karat bowls. SAMs club and some pails should do just fine.

Trial Tracking

2010-01-13T12:28:00.000-08:00

So, the Prop 8 Trial is underway and I am trying to keep my distance and not check my twitter and email every freakin' second for updates. I just keep getting that terrible feeling of dread and hope in my stomach. This trial is a HUGE deal. We are talking federal court, may actually reverse state amendments huge.

If you are looking for more information about the trial itself (as of now, defense has filed appeals to keep it un-televised) check out the Courage Campaign's Prop 8 Trial Tracker. The main contributors will be long-time bloggers Robert Cruickshank, Public Policy Director and Julia Rosen, Online Political Director. They are pretty much live blogging the whole thing and even though it may seem difficult to follow at times, it is loads of coverage.

My favorite gem of a quote from today: "you all have Brokeback Mountain, and it even got awards. Gay discrimination is over"-- from Defense attorney cross-examining Professor Chauncey (a LGBT history professor at Yale). From @bestlesbianweek

If you are on twitter, I'd suggest following @bestlesbianweek and @theadvocatemag for their pretty constant coverage on the trial, plus many other cool things.

In other news, Deb and I, along with Jackie of All Trades, traveled down to H-Town for the Bridal Extravaganza. It was a bit of bust (no cake tasting), but I think we found our music peeps, which is good. They are a cellist and guitar duo, and the singer has a great folksy voice that we both really like. Plus, they are super gay friendly and have performed at gay weddings before, so that is plus for us!

I do have a question though-- They are asking around $1000 for ceremony music, one hour post ceremony (cocktails/greeting) and then DJ services after (5 hours). This seems like a really good deal, but I've never booked any sort of music act before. Thoughts?

Resolutions, pt. 1

2010-01-08T12:37:00.001-08:00

I sort of hate that we only resolve to do things on January 1st, but I also like the fact that a new year can bring fresh new ideas.

Deborah and I talked about our goals for the following year and I tried to keep it from sounding like a high school project. See, I had envisioned this great time where we sat and thought and wrote out our goals and then shared them together, maybe over a cup of earl gray tea, but Deborah has serious aversions to these types of things thanks to years of "Kingdom Education" aka Baptist Christian High School. Apparently, they were big on discussing goals and resolutions...

So, I adapted, and the reality was much nicer than my 'assignment'. A simple conversation while waiting for our order at Sonic.

Our last order from Sonic (sadly).

So, My biggest ( a pun on many levels, really) resolution is to lose 30lbs before the wedding.

I know I am supposed to love my plus-sized self, and that my body is a wonderland and I am gorgeous and all of that crap. But to be honest, I don't love myself at my current weight and I often look in the mirror and say "what happened?", and I don't want to be saying that at my wedding. More so, I don't want to say "wow, our photographer did a good job making me look good!" I just want to look good. No camera tricks... I just want to look smokin' hot, and feel smokin' hot too.

To me, 30lbs seems like a reasonable goal in 11 months. It means no more fast food (my weakness), and watching what I actually eat. I did a good job this summer after the diabetes scare, but then I got lazy. I always get lazy.

I can't be lazy anymore!!!

So, to hold myself more accountable, I've joined a Biggest Loser sort of group at my work, and whoever loses the largest % of body fat by march wins 200 bucks. Seems like nice extra motivation to me!

Here's hoping I'm not too hungry all the time.... hungry + wedding planning = terrible.

Save the Dates, round 2!

2010-01-06T08:22:00.000-08:00

I'm a procrastinator. For example, our Christmas/New Year's (aka Happy Holidays) cards we ordered? They are addressed, but not stamped... and have not been sent out. Folks will probably get them in February.

Sometimes, I'm pretty terrible at the follow-through.

Which is why I realized that I needed to get the ball rolling on these Save the Date cards. Even though the wedding is 11 months (!!!!!) away! Some etiquette sites and etiquette guru friends of mine have stated that weddings that take place around holidays (IE: 4 days before Thanksgiving), should send Save The Dates out 8-12 months before the wedding.

So, in an effort to hit the 8 month mark, I'm starting on these little things early. Once ordered, I'll have two full months to gather addresses, actually address them, and then add some postage and send the suckers off.

I've also changed the design. After a change in colors, and looking at the old design too long... I decided it was too busy and I didn't like it. Besides, in 'theory', Save the Dates are supposed to set the tone of your wedding. I feel the way we are going is laid back, fun, with a nice hint of vintage-y goodness thrown in.

So, for your consideration, the final Save The Date (minus some tweaking):

The reverse side will have our names, the date (again) and the location, along with our wedding website. We don't currently have a wedding website, so once I get *that* done then I can get the dang things printed and start on this marvelous journey!

Side note: Did you know vistaprint lets you upload your design AND you can pre-pay for postage? Do you know how awesome that is for procrastinators like me?! That means all I have to do is drop them off at the post office once they are addressed! You can send it first class, or regular! It AMAZING!

Taking the Extra Step

2010-01-04T16:31:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I feel there are so many extra random things LGBT couples have to think about.

First of all, there is the wording on our invites, which I haven't even begun to figure out! My parental units are helping out LOADS, emotionally and financially, but D's parents aren't even attending the wedding. At the same time, we are paying for *some* of the wedding, and trying to create the proper wording on our invitations is migraine inducing...

but that's another post, entirely.

Today, I went perusing some local stores to find "THE STORE(s)" we will be registering at for the wedding. We don't want to register at more than two stores, and we'd like to find two stores that:
1. Have the things we need/would need to register for 2. is an LGBT friendly store

I mean, we don't want our friends and family (and ultimately us) giving a store any sort of monetary gain if they do not support gay marriage.

Thankfully, the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) sent me this nifty Buyer's Guide around the holidays. And since then-- it has become my go to for many things.

Did you know that Macy's and Target both received a rating of 100? But Dillard's and Wal-Mart didn't even make the list? Makes you think where you are going for that fiestaware.

One of our 2010 resolutions is to be more conscious of where our money is going. I know it is going to be difficult at times, and we will probably have to forgo convenience (ex: our closest/regular grocery store gave a significantly large sum to the Yes on 8 campaign, so now we will be driving those extra miles to another store).

And I'm sure we will be doing even more research, other than this one guide. But by supporting companies that support us, I feel much better spending all that money.

A Big Year!

2010-01-01T21:49:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! I hope you had a wonderful New Year's Eve and spent it with loved ones and friends! 2010 is such a big year for us! By the end of this year, we will be married!

Now, when someone asks me "when are you getting married?", I can reply "this November".

Usually I have to qualify that with 2010, but not anymore! It is so exciting!

Tomorrow, D and I are setting down to discuss our goals for 2010. We are going to try and cover a plethora of goals, anything we can think of--financial, business, personal, education, familial, and of course, as a couple.

I encourage everyone to do this! This will be the first year we do something like this, but I look forward to making it a yearly tradition to re-evaluate the year that passed and planned for the future.

Sloth is A Terrible Thing

2009-12-28T22:26:00.000-08:00

And my new year's resolution is going to try and post on a regular basis, because sometimes I just plain forget.

But as promised... The awesome thanksgiving place settings. These things are so cool! Great for any kind of party!

Bridesmate, Kathryn,made these fancy little things! And here is the rundown:

Chunk/Sliver crayons. I believe it is easier to do one color, and then start on the next while the first is drying.
Heat/Melt the crayon bits in silicone baking cups... this makes clean up MUCH easier.
Turn wine cups upside down on newspaper and then drizzle the melted crayon on with a spoon! Then twirl the cup! ... if you'd like
Let them dry!

You can even do it on plates!

I love this! And Kathryn did such a great job. She turned plain old clear plastic cups and plates into lovely pieces that enhanced the atmosphere... and I'm pretty sure she only used a few boxes of crayons... and the off brand kind! So it couldn't have cost more than $10.00 for the supplies (minus the plates and stemware, of course)

Photos by my lovely friend, Katelyn!

Glenn Beck can Suck It, Part 1 (most likely)

2009-12-10T09:21:00.000-08:00

I'm a little pissypants over this "Keep Christ is Christmas" biz. Glenn Beck is spitting and spewing and crying (he cries a lot!) over the phrase "Happy Holidays". Saying that America is losing values by trying to be politically correct.

Hold the phone, Glenn. Mayhaps your are jumping to a sensationalized conclusion, eh? I have always felt that Happy Holidays was an all encompassing wish to have a pleasant Christmas and New Years (for the Christians) or Channukah and New Years (for the Jewish folks) and so on and so on.

Shoot, if you start saying it in November, it can even include Thanksgiving. What's the big deal, Glenn? What is wrong with trying to encompass multiple holidays in one? I won't even get started on the fact that the ACTUAL Christmas Day wasn't a holiday in the US until 1870 or so... or that the Church of England (Cromwell, to be exact) tried to outlaw Christmas because it WASN'T the day of Jesus' birth then... it was still pretty much a pagan holiday...

But that is some figgy pudding I'm not going to touch today.

I've been gone for a while, huh? We had Thanksgiving up in NYC with 22 of our closest friends in a 2 bedroom apartment and it was glorious. Speaking of glorious.... on the morning of Thanksgiving, Deborah ran a 5 mile Turkey Trot with some of our friends and our team name?

The Inglorious Basters.

Oh yes. It even had a turkey with an eye patch on it. And on the back?

We suspect fowl play.

It was pretty great. Soon (hopefully tomorrow!) I will post the DIY dinner place settings my bridesmate Kathryn made! Here is a sneak peak:

Full Speed Ahead!

2009-11-12T15:38:00.001-08:00

The holidays are fast approaching, and D and I are gearing up for our epic mini-vacation to New York City for the Thanksgiving break. I love this time of year! But I feel like it goes by too fast. First you leisurely waltz into Halloween, then you have a nice month of fall and then Thanksgiving but then BAM, just like my parents 180lb St. Bernard, Christmas knocks you over and says I'M HERE! I'M HERE!

That St. Bernard in question is Suki. And that Basset is Lily. Imagine THESE GALS running full speed to greet you!
Now, imagine it with a SANTA hat.

Epic planners (and budget conscious folk too) we are starting to plan out what to buy family and how much to spend, etc. And the question of multiple gifts keeps popping up. As in, do we buy each person a gift separately? Or one together? This question is particularly difficult when it pertains to gifts for D's family.

Oh, yes. We will be visiting them over the holidays. We will be going there for a day or two to celebrate with her family. And D has made it very clear that we go together or don't got at all. And gifts will be bought, and Christmas will be had. But do we buy one gift? two? one each?

Do I seem like I'm trying too hard if I buy them one, separately, as well? Will they read it as a ploy to get them to accept our relationship/like me as a person/not see me as the scaaaaaaaary lesbian that took their precious daughter away? Or me being that nice friendly girl they once thought as a "part of their family" (exact quote!)

I think it is rude for me NOT to get them a gift, they are after all my fiancee's parents. Especially if I am going to be spending part of the holidays with them. But I also think putting our both our names on a gift may be seen as cheap?

Bridesmate Jackie of All Trades believes that once rings are on hands, gifts are given as a couple. But I'm just not so sure.

Thoughts?

Moving On, Moving Up

2009-11-06T12:21:00.000-08:00

We are still pretty bummed about Maine. All in all Wednesday was pretty crappy. I accidentally kept crying when my students or co-workers asked about it... Thankfully I also have bad allergies right now so I could turn my from blithering idiot and into a fake sneeze or two. No need for students to see me semi-defeated for a day.

Most heartwarming were former students of mine who had nice little "f@!* you, Maine" facebook statuses, it is nice to know that they support marriage equality! And all of the great comments that I got on the blog made me smile in my heart.

If you didn't hear, Houston is in a run-off for mayor and Annise Parker could be the first openly gay woman to be governor in HOUSTON FREAKING TEXAS.

This is more than big. This is huge.
And this is even huge-r for Texas.
Huger isn't even a word, folks..... that is how HUGE this thing is.

My new friend, Meghan and her wife Lindsay, (who also happen to be founders of Impact Houston) are trying to fund-raise for Annise and have created their own fundraising page.I know after Maine's defeat, I wanted to throw my support behind SOMETHING (that wasn't HRC this time around). And I'm definitely planning on donating to her campaign to help her win the race.

You can donate here!

Also, Erica over at Bi-Wedding Diaries, had a great post about her feelings on Maine and a link to an Etsy shop that is donating profits to No H8. You should check out her blog first, and then the etsy shop next.

Hope everyone has plans for a happy weekend!

No Crumbs...

2009-11-04T07:25:00.000-08:00

I have been dreaming about my wedding since I was 5. When I was in high school and college and had a bad day, I would go buy a bridal magazine. True story. I would peruse through those glossy pages and bookmark or tear out things I liked. Then, like any good theatre designer, I'd put them in an image book... to keep safe.

Just because I never thought or planned about a having a groom doesn't mean I'm not entitled to standing in front of friends and family and saying vows to the one I love. And it doesn't now. But, apparently 53% of Maine and my home state and half of bloody America think my 'commitment ceremony' (i loathe that phrase) is just fine and dandy as long as I don't want the rights and privileges of straight couples.

Well, I'm pissed. I'm glaring a lot. Just the fact that we have to go outside of the state we were raised in to get married is insulting enough. And now, with Prop 1 passing....

Last year, I was devastated. When Prop 8 passed, Deb and I couldn't talk about it. She went out and ate an entire thing of cookie dough. I smoked a lot of cigarettes. It wasn't pleasant by any means. I can't believe it has already been a year.

I have a lot of mixed emotions. Part of me doesn't want to make a big deal out of this. Part of me just wants to get married like the rest of the population. I just want to celebrate and then be a wife and not HAVE to be a part of this. Another part (the more prominent) knows that just by having a blessing in Texas we are making some sort of stand. We are drawing attention to ourselves (blog or no blog) and creating conversations and hopefully changing people's minds with every vendor, every person we talk to.

D and Me? We're the same as you. We want the same things in our life. We wanted to get married.

A saw this on twitter (I know, lame), but it made me laugh in a way that I feel like sums everything up:

"I don't want crumbs anymore, I want the whole damn wedding cake."

I will raise a toast to that.

Falling in love with fall colors (awwww)

2009-11-02T12:32:00.000-08:00

Trying my hand at inspiration boards.... now that I have photoshop on my computer! I'm slowly falling more and more in love with these colors, and I know how much easier (read: cheaper) they will be since they will be in season.

And do you love those invitations? Because we do, and we decided about 3 months ago to splurge and make them OURS! We were going to change the color, but if we go fall-- we won't have to... and I love that orange and cream! The best part about the shop owners, Golden Rectangle Press is that they ACTUALLY HAVE A SAME SEX INVITE on their page. Which I appreciate more than anything. I think it is one thing to support same sex marriage, but another thing entirely to put examples up on your site. So, Thanks for that one, awesome shop owner!

The Facts and Links:
Brilliant letterpress invites from Etsy shop owner, Golden Rectangle Press.
Gorgeous Cottage Photo From Evrim Icoz Photography in Portland.
Pretty Orchid Centerpiece from bridesmate Harmonious-- who found it on theknot.com
The rest-- google image search: fall wedding

Things I Love Right Now....

2009-10-29T08:31:00.000-07:00

1. The fact that I am finally coming out of a two 70+ hour work weeks and can start thinking about things other than theatre again!

2. The Sugar-Free Red Bulls that got me through these two weeks.

3. Celebrating engage-a-versaries, monthaversaries, and now our *official* two year anniversary.

4. The fancy invitations we fell in love with.

5. Our Halloween costumes (we are going as "Infomercials" with Snuggies, TurbieTowels, Shakeweights and other fun things we can think of!)

6. Fall Bouquets. Cue color crisis.

Aren't they just so purty?

Photoshop Fiends!

2009-10-12T13:00:00.000-07:00

Thank you for all the suggestions! I am going to try and working on the suggestions today or tomorrow, and then repost.

This may seem like a silly question, but I actually couldn't think of a decent answer for it.

How the heck do you send magnet save the dates?

Do you put them in an envelope? That seems a little odd. And rude-- just a magnet, no explanation. I don't like that idea at all. Maybe a postcard with a magnet attached?

What if we did massive postcard sized save the dates ala VistaPrint (thanks for that bit of advice, DangerJane!) How much would postage cost? I don't even want to think about it.

I would just say screw it all together, EXCEPT for the fact that our wedding is so close to Thanksgiving-- I want folks to be able to plan accordingly!

What did you do?

Photoshop Phun

2009-10-09T13:56:00.001-07:00

Spent around 35 minutes messing around on the photoshop, and this is what I came up with.

I think it is maybe a little bit too busy. But it got my creative ideas flowing. Thoughts?

Coulda been a contender

2009-10-07T12:07:00.000-07:00

We've been going back and forth on to send Save the Dates, or not. To make save the dates, or not. To just call people, or send out facebook invites (which we deemed not okay).

A large majority of our guests are out of towners, so it is important that they know and know early about when the wedding is, and how long they should plan on being in town and such things... and so maybe we will just send out STDs....

wait a minute--- STDs? That sounds terrible. "Sending out some STDs today"

So wrong.

Anywho-- so maybe we will send out Save the Dates only to our out of town folks..... But what to send?

a postcard.

a magnet.

Then we thought magnet postcard? But that seemed silly. And giant.

And option 3.4 -- D's brother is a pretty highfalutin web comic, and he offered to draw our save the dates, which would be awesome! Except that he has a pretty morose sense of humor, which is awesome and hilarious, and it may not be appropriate for a pre-wedding invite thingamagig.

And then we found these on etsy:

And I LOVE these! They are so fun! But-- can we make these? Should we try? I smell an adventure with stamps and pretty paper....

P.S.-- The Etsy store is Beth Blinebury and she has really really great party invites and adorable save the dates!

Food! Glorious Food!

2009-10-02T07:44:00.000-07:00

With our wedding date almost a year away, I've deemed it time to think about food tasting. After all, if we want fresh, local vegetables we need to make sure they are in season! It is also a really good opportunity to meet up with our venue again and talk progress. The Astin Mansion has in house catering, which is awesome. And their food is delicious... even better. They have varied options from light snacks to a full sit down meal. We are going in the middle at the standard, good old fashioned buffet.

To be honest, I hate sit down weddings, and D out right despises them. They seem stuffy, pretentious and really boring. Plus, how can we mingle with our guests and eat at the same time if it is a sit down meal? Carry our plates and hover?

Awkward.

So, buffet it is. With tables provided for those who wish to sit. And taller tables for those who wish to stand, but not hover and carry their plates.

What kind of food are you planning on serving? Or if you aren't planning a wedding right now-- what kind of food do you think is totally awesome to eat at weddings?

Why I don't like Texas right now....

2009-09-28T08:50:00.001-07:00

It is too far away from Washington D.C.

D and I were planning on going to the National Equality March. Living in Texas makes it sort of difficult.

If you haven't heard (which means you are living under a rock), there is going to be this amazing march through D.C. on October 11. Equality Across America has this amazing weekend set up, with great workshops, events, socials. If you live on the east coast, please go. If you are fund raising to get there-- let me know.

If you live in NYC, there is another super group called Broadway Impact. Here is a little bit about them from their website.

We are a community of actors, directors, stage managers, fans, producers — pretty much anyone who has ever seen, been in or worked on a Broadway show — united by the simple belief that anyone who wants to should be able to get married.

I totally love this group, and hate hate hate that I don't live in NYC right now to help them out. They have done so much-- from phone banks to fundraising to sponsoring buses so folks can get down to the March and back for free! I strongly encourage you to donate, or buy one of their nifty shirts. As Christmas Eve from Avenue Q would say "Every little bit helps".

Achoo choo

2009-09-25T12:06:00.000-07:00

It has been a week. Sorry.

Excuse: D has come down with some terrible bronchial flu like thing that is making her miserable and I caught a weaker version... but I slept for 20 hours straight. So that feels like an odd accomplishment.

Actual Post:
Our school hosted our first GSA (Gay-Straight Alliance) meeting for the year this Monday. It was a nice turn out. Small, but dedicated. The students are focused and really passionate about our cause this year (bullying). It is also a nice mix of both and straight students, which always makes me happy. When I was in the GSA it was the "Gay and Closeted Gay Alliance" pretty much.

My role as a sponsor is to try to keep things positive. It is so easy to slip into a "Our school is so conservative" or "the kids are all so ignorant"... the list can go on. And I think by overgeneralizing those that have different opinions, we are only granting them permission to do the same thing.

Staying positive. Thinking positively. Or as Dori, from Finding Nemo, would say "just keep swimming, just keep swimming, laladada-dee-da"

I think this is something I'm trying to do in all aspects of my life right now. It is hard. Finding positive things in rather stressful areas of your life can be a challenge sometimes. Especially since it has been rainy all week-- it is amazing how weather can change your mood.

I'm not sad or depressed or anything, but I'm finding myself trying really hard to focus on the positive and not focus on the negative.

Example:
I know we are strapped for cash, the wedding budget isn't where I want it, I don't make enough money, the economy has gone down the toilet-- these are constants. I need to focus on what we are doing to make it work and how that is a good thing! More dinners at home mean more time spent cooking together. Catching up on Discovery channel is never a bad thing! And this is hella good practice for "for richer or poorer".

Or do I just sound like that All-State commercial? Are you in good hands?

Happy Friday!

Hope.

2009-09-17T12:22:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday, Congressman Jerrold Nadler (D-NY) introduced the Respect for Marriage legislation that would repeal all three sections of the Defense of Marriage Act.

I can barely wrap my head around what that would mean for our lives. It would mean that we would be more free to choose the next place we live. Right now, we promised ourselves that we would only live in a state that recognizes same-sex marriage. But if our marriage was federally recognized, suddenly even those places that don't recognize it on a state level seem a little more possible. Sure, states rights would be ideal, but hell, we could still live in Texas, close to family and friends. What a concept.

On a larger scale it would mean so much more that I can't even comprehend. When I think about it, I don't have words to describe it. I stutter. I blink a lot. I smile.

When I think about, finally, federally recognizing these commitments, unions, marriages, call it whatever-- I am overwhelmed with happiness. Pride in who I am-- teacher, daughter, lesbian, friend, person. No longer 'under the radar', no longer 'defying convention', or 'just trying to make a statement' .... just being.

All of us... gay, straight, bill gates, whoopi goldberg, jim bob down the street. All of us the same. All of us equal. All of us granted the rights we are supposed to have.

And yet. And yet. There is always a yet. Even LGBT advocates are saying this bill won't pass. And I don't know either. This nagging reminder of the utter disappointment after Prop 8 passed--- and then passed again. It is there. We were so sure! Of course California would recognize gay marriage!! It is CALIFORNIA, for crying out loud! If California can't pass a law granting us equal rights, how can anyone have hope that something could go through federally?

I want to believe. I do. I want to think that this legislation is a reason to celebrate. A reason to think that maybe when we get married next year, it will have resonance in our home state. And though I believe it should go through, and have hope-- I also have fear. If it doesn't pass-- what happens then? What will that mean for us? Will we ever get this chance again?

For more information on the Respect for Marriage Act, check out HRC's fact sheet.

THE Dress (david's bridal, part II)

2009-09-14T12:37:00.001-07:00

D's Dress! Which, according to the lady at David's just came in today and is ready for alterations!

From the back and from the front! (See my HUGE smile?!)

With a fun little head piece! And some goofing around.

And with two of the bridesmates! You can't tell, but the color is actually dark purple.

I think I may need to consult my etiquette book for the appropriate time for alterations... I think a year is too soon. Maybe we could do height and bustle now?

Also, huge shout out to our bridal brigadette, Sarah, for taking these fabu pictures!

Wordage

2009-09-11T10:38:00.000-07:00

Today our engage-aversary! A whole year of being engaged and doing cute things together affianced.... instead of girlfriends, or partners.

Affianced is such a better word. Girlfriend is confusing. See, in smaller towns, conservative cities... the south in general, "girlfriend" is usually used to describe close friends who are also girls. This can lead to very confusing, and often times embarrassing interactions with all sorts of people.......

Bad For Me:
Other person: My girlfriend and I are going to that great new romantic comedy tonight!
Me: Oh how great! I didn't know you had a girlfriend? How long have you two been together?
Other person: What?
Me: What?

And then an awkward turtle is washed up on the beach of the conversation, never to leave again.

Bad for Them:
Me: My girlfriend and I are going out to see this romantic comedy movie tonight!
Other person: Oh how fun! A girls night out!
Me: ....... Yeah! Sort of! But more like a date!
Other person: But you are both girls. ooooh your girlfriend! like *giiirrrrrllll*friend. I didn't know you were gay! You know, I have a cousin who is gay.

Now, I do not know why most people, when they first learn of a friend or acquaintances sexuality, qualify their statements with "I have a "so and so" who is "gay/lesbian/bi/transgender".

Honestly, I more commonly get the "I have a friend who is "that way", which is equally infuriating and laughable at the same time. Mainly because I tend to respond with a "That way? Does she have red hair too?" and giggle to myself and then the conversation dies a very awkward death (awkward turtles and angry beached whales abound)

Maybe I should start say "Oh! I have a friend who is straight," when people start telling me about their heterosexual significant other. I wonder if that would make me the quirky, funny, lesbian, or the angry, militant one.

Anyway, I digress.

Today is our engage-aversary! We did not realize it was Sept. 11 until a few days after we were engaged-- simply referring it to "last Thursday".

Last year, we were preparing for Hurricane Ike to pummel our houses, tear down fences and cause some pretty major damage. We were both given the 12th off to prepare. So, the 11th seemed like a pretty good day. And now, even though I started the morning somberly reading about 'the horror of a bright blue morning,' I am now quite happily thinking of our engagement last year. How I proposed first, then she ran to get my ring and got down on one knee (!) and asked me by full name to marry her. And I still kinda cry a little bit thinking about it. And I feel very loved.

So, celebrate your loved ones today.

Happy Friday, y'all.

David's Bridal Excursion Part One

2009-09-04T12:14:00.001-07:00

Photos from David's Bridal-- more to follow soon!

Harmonious is quick on the draw with bridesmaid dresses.

Clearly, my suggestion is just terrible. That is D's "Really?!" face.

A gorgeous Grecian back, with a funky front. Note varying looks of concern. NOT the dress.

But here is the style of Bridesmaid dresses. Not the color though.

Can't you just see a cardigan over it? ;) It is cuter when the model smiles, but if I show that photo I give away D's dress! And *then* I'd have nothing to blog about over the weekend.

Mmmm, Massaman Curry

2009-08-28T08:15:00.000-07:00

So school has started, and clearly I haven't posted at all. With everything being so hectic, I must admit the blog was moved to the back burner.

But NOW! I have a schedule, so hopefully this will lead to more regular posts.

Anyhoo...
D and I are finalizing our annual pilgrimage to NYC for Thanksgiving.

It started as a fun tradition when I lived there. Some of my dear friends were attending college or living in the city/ northeast and couldn't afford to fly home to TX because of work, or school, or just lack of money. So, one took the train up from Pittsburgh and we met in my one bedroom apartment for a feast of feasts. Ever since then it has developed into a bit of a tradition. One year it was in Queens-- with a remarkably larger kitchen and dining area. Last year, it was in Hell's Kitchen, on a tiny four burner stove and mini-oven. But we still turned out at 15lb turkey and enough food to feed 17 people.

Anyway, I digress. I have a point... or rather I'm posing a question to you bloggers, readers, LGBT brides and grooms:

I know many of you folks are in NYC or the surrounding area. Anyone up for a LGBT wedding blog meeting of minds? I think it could be fun! Putting faces to blogs and making new 'real' people friends instead of 'internet bloggy friends'. I'm thinking a nice meet up for an hour or so one evening over some martinis or Thai food (we just don't have good Thai here in TX).

Is this ridiculous? Or a good idea?

Comment or send me an email at toeacherown at gmail dot com.

The Best Advice I Can Give Today--

2009-08-21T17:26:00.000-07:00

Take an Advil (or 3), bring some water and go to a major bridal show.

I know, right? Who the hell has taken over this blog?

Seriously though. Remember that BRIDAL EXTRAVAGANZA I went to? Well, I got these ticket things when we walked through the door that you could drop off into prize bins, plus most vendors had their own 'win your own prize' sort of thing.... It has been a few weeks and so far I have received:

2 free tickets to our state Renaissance Festival ($40 value)
Free '1st dance' dance lesson ($100)
Set of wine glasses--crystal (dunno how much)
Free spa party for 8 bridal party members (probably not going to do this)
Gift Certificate to David's Bridal ($50)

Now.... I am almost positive that these awards were given to anyone that filled out the win a prize thing at the vendors tables, but I mean-- $190+ of free stuff just for filling out some forms? Yeah, okay, twist my arm-- I guess I'll do that.

Sooooo there is a catch (there is ALWAYS a catch)
To get the certificate to David's we had to set up an appointmentto try on dresses. But if you keep the appointment, you get $50 off. We kept the appointment. and D got another $50 of her dress (and I didn't even have the gift certificate).

And, The last two, we have to sit through a demonstration in order to get the prize. So the spa thing-- probably not going to do. You have to have 8 people there... blah blah and I don't want to force my friends through that just to get a $50 gift basket and a facial.

But the free crystal wine set? Well, they give us a cooking demonstration-- so we will get free food *and* some free crystal at the end. And I can deal with pushy salesfolks for free food and crystal. D would be okay without the crystal-- she is excited about the 'gourmet' meal!

I mean, the extravaganza was trying at times. There was a lot of tulle and florescent lighting... but equipped with some address labels, bridesmate JoJo and our bridal brigadette it was a pretty fun day... of course we had to look at a lot of things like this :

I had no idea that brides could fly.

But of course, if I didn't go-- I couldn't have shared that beautiful image with you.

If you live in the Houston area, there is a show this weekend. You can check out information here and the Houston Weddings Showcase.

This isn't the same company's show we went to, but the site says they have tons of door prizes. Plus, there is a printable coupon on the site for discounted tickets. Happy Friday, y'all!

What.A.Weekend.

2009-08-17T20:38:00.000-07:00

It was an epic adventure to David's Bridal, y'all. 8 of us went.

8. Ocho. Huit.

Too many? probably. Were the David's Bridal folks annoyed? Probably. Are there photos of me making some stressypants faces? Yes.

Was it fun? hells yeah.

We left too early and arrived early for the appointment. It is true, David's Bridal is not Kleinfelds. They aren't going to give you champagne (or water) and hand select dresses based on what you want. You gotta KNOW what you want.

And we knew.

Bridesmates? check.

We had four of them (FOUR!) try on the same dress, hoping it would look good on all of them and it did! Which is awesome. We have three colors we like, and they are all complimentary. So, we are thinking they will all wear the same dress, but in the color that suits them best. That way it is cohesive but not all one color on one side and one color on the other. I think it is pretty cool. It should look pretty!

And the dresses are, from what I can tell, pretty low/mid-range for bridesmaid dresses. We have to double check that that style isn't going to be discontinued and one of our 'choice' colors isn't available in the style, but we are flexible people. And as D's bridesmate Harmonious kept repeating all day 'you can just throw a cardigan over it and wear it again!'... Sarcasmo to the rescue! (but in my opinion, you totally could throw a cardigan on it and wear it again).

And D's wedding dress? Did we know what we wanted?

Yes. And we got it. D's dress is taken care of. And it was around the same price as mine thanks to some handy gift certificate and some special the store was running!* We ordered her size and it'll be in soonish.

Our friend and bridal brigadette, Sarah, who is a fabu photographer came along for the journey to take some photos. So, when those are all put together, I'll post some pics and info on the rest of the day.

What an epic week!

*Note to future brides going to David's to look at dresses-- they are always having some sort of sale.

I'm walking on sunshine!

2009-08-13T17:17:00.000-07:00

Oh my folks! All of your comments about my dress have just made me feel like a rockstar beauty! Thank you so much! Thank you thank you!

No. Really. Thank You!

On Sunday, literally half of our wedding partay is heading down to Houston for an adventure at David's Bridal. We will be loud, excited and have a great time! It is going to be a big day! We are picking final colors, bridesmates will be trying on dresses, we will be searching for a dress for D. Actually, D already has a dress she found that she lurves, but it is a little over our budget. Yes, we made that terrible mistake of trying things on we can't afford. BUT in our defense, we just forgot to look at the price tag. We didn't knowingly decide to try something on $300 more that we are willing to spend!

I've been reading a lot of blogs and it seems that David's Bridal gets a lot of flack, as do the brides that buy their dresses there. I saw on one indie blog, a person who apologized for getting their dress at David's. Why apologize? I mean, we all know it is the Wal-Mart of wedding dresses. And yes, there are other people who will have your dress. And yes, it is marketing on the whole 'wedding industry'. But their dresses are cheap as hell. I mean, it is ridiculous how cheap they are. And I say GOOD FOR YOU! <-- look I yelled it even. You got a dress you love, and one that you feel beautiful in for a hella cheap price. You don't need to apologize; you need to pat yourself of the back and give an Andre champagne toast to your budget savvy ways. It seems sometimes that brides try so hard to be unique or special that they go almost full circle and conform to non-conformity.

Any comments?

Remember, when it comes to commenting-- snark is welcome, but rude people aren't.

When you least expect it...

2009-08-12T12:22:00.000-07:00

You find what you are looking for.

I had this whole damn post typed up yesterday but blogger refused to post it for some stupid reason and then when when I went to edit the post today I realized that blogger only saved half of the dang thing. I'd be frustrated but I'm still on such a 'holy crap I found my dress' high that pretty much everything is okay with the world. I even vacuumed this morning.

SO-- Here's the cool story:

On a standard errand run the other day, co-worker/bridesmate/jackieofalltrades and I are a little bored and a little sleepy. We pass a new bridal store.

"You want to go in?" jackie asks
"I mean, I'm kind of set on that trip to Houston next weekend, but we can look at styles"
"Why not?"

So we go in. And the wonderfully nice woman, at this very new little store says hello and asks what I am looking for. I told her I was looking for a tea length retro 50s sort of thing. And she smiled politely and told me she didn't have anything like that. I mean, I wasn't surprised. Not in a bad way, but my town is very big on cupcake dresses. Anyways, she mentions that sample (read: cheaper) dresses are in the back of the store, and as a plus size gal I jokingly suggest we go look because sample sizes ALWAYS fit folks larger than a size 6. Always. Because the wedding industry and the fashion industry just LOVE ladies who don't look like they could keel over from lack of food-- (I could go on).

But you know what?! They had sample dresses all the way up to 24. And all the way down to 4. Now granted, they had tons of 4,6,8,10 and even a large amount of 12s and it sort of dwindled, but they had a few dresses in my size, so I went to try them on.

The first one was terrible. The rouching was in an awkward position. There was a bit too much bling. I wasn't a cupcake, but I was sort of a bisquit blob of fabric and ill proportioned awful.

But the second one? I put it on, jackie zipped it up and I looked at myself and I said "WOW".
WOW In a good way. Usually I say "WOW" in a bad way-- in a 'really-i-actually-have-this-terrible-thing-on-right-now?" But no. This was a "Holy-crap-I-Look-Gorgeous".

And I got all blushy and giggly and felt bride-y and I didn't want to claw my eyes out or punch myself in the face or cry because I felt so fat and how o how would I ever look decent on my wedding day.

I felt really damn pretty.

BUT (there usually is a but)-- it was strapless. and I don't like strapless. But I always like boleros so the nice store lady went and grabbed me a lace bolero to try on with the dress and then I said WOWOWOWOWOW. Wanna see?

See my happy jazz hands? Isn't it oh-so vintage glam? Just the right amount of sparkle, beautiful lace overlay. It is a champagne-y sort of color so I don't look like a freaky ginger child. And it is just pretty. Pretty. Pretty. (and slimming!)

And then we tried a dark blue satin 'bolero' and I said WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW. But I don't have a photo of that. But here is a close-up!

The best part? The dress is under $375. In fact, all of their samples are under $450. So, ladies in Texas! If you haven't found your dress, and you don't mind a bit of a drive, send me an email, because you may find your dress at this store.

Happy day!

You guys...

2009-08-11T11:34:00.001-07:00

I found my dress.

I put down a deposit.

I'm so excited!

I feel like my little blog has grown up a little bit.

2009-08-03T11:14:00.000-07:00

So I officially have a nice little email specifically for the blog. If you have a question, a comment or want to send me a cool ass picture of something you can email me at toeacherown at gmail dot com.

Also, I am big twitter kid and love reading other people's twitter (doesn't that sounds just a bit dirty?) but decided to start one for this blog to keep a nice privacy barrier up for my own personal account.

So if you want to follow me on twitter: toeacherown

Happy Monday!

Things I've Learned This Weekend

2009-08-02T11:43:00.001-07:00

Etsy has 372 pages of wedding invitations.
It will take roughly 4-5 hours to look through all 372 pages.
You can start with 30 invites you like.
You will end up with 6 you REALLY like and want to order samples of.
Letterpress invitations are pretty pretty pretty and $$$$$
We will most likely end up DIYing *some* of the components of the invites.
My love of etsy holds no bounds.

Mark Your Calendars!

2009-07-31T10:41:00.000-07:00

We set the date! We toured the Astin Mansion on Wednesday morning, guided by our fabulous on-site coordinator, all around cool gal, Kristin. I brought the camera to take photos, but was in so much awe from how pretty the dang place was, that I forgot to take pictures. You can look at this post to see where the ceremony will take place (outside) and the possible dance floor room.

As I discussed previously, we were deciding between two dates (October 10 and November 20). We we went with neither.

I am so crazy happy to say that we will be getting married on November 21, 2010 (11.21.10)!

This day is beyond brilliant and we didn't even realize it until minutes before we started the tour. Let me explain:

You see, D and I are crazy X-Files fans. Like, whoa. In fact, much of the wooing and cute pre-dating flirting and conversations occurred around D coming over and watching old X-Files episodes. And 11.21 is a huge reference/important thing in the X-Files world. 11.21 is always seen in a time stamp, important things in the X-Files ALWAYS happen at 11:21 (am or pm). Creator Chris Carter did this as a nod to his wife's birthday. Sweet huh?

And now we are GETTING MARRIED ON THIS AWESOME DAY OF NERDINESS!

It is so perfect-- a nod to our beginnings, et all and we didn't even realize it! I love how that works out sometimes.

It is 11:35pm, do you know where your bloggers are?

2009-07-28T21:35:00.000-07:00

I am wide awake and watching TV. We have just completed a preliminary guest list, and we are looking at roughly 150-175 guests, which I think is bigger than we want? Our meeting with the venue is tomorrow early a.m.

I can't sleep. I think it is a combination of excitement and some new medication I'm on. You see, el doctor and el fiancee are concerned about el chubby (me) getting a little too chubby and falling down the diabetes stairs. A fair concern. Honestly, a serious concern probably, but I don't like to think about it. You see, I started this blog when I was recovering from a pilonidal cyst removal in January. And due to the surgery (and the cysts) I can't really just start exercising more. Basically, I can walk or swim. And basically, my fat-ass isn't going to a public pool in a swimsuit. Call it hubris or pride or whatever, but it ain't happening. So I've started walking (nothing too crazy now) and I'm on a crazy restrictive diet and some meds to kick start my metabolism.

Just so you know 'kick start your metabolism' may or may not be doctor language for 'form of speed'. I've only been on the medication for three days, but I haven't stopped bouncing. Cue the soundtrack from 'Requiem for a Dream'.

Actually, I'm sleeping just fine, but for shorter intervals. I feel totally rested (more rested than before I started taking the meds, strangely). I am excited that this may be what I need to start losing all the weight I gained post surgery and get pack to my 'don't mess with me I may look mushy but I'm pretty scrappy' weight.

On a totall unrelated note-- if I reply to a post, do people who have already commented get notification? This has confuzzled (not a word, I know) me since I started the blog.

Going to the venue!

2009-07-28T06:28:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow, my folks, D, one of our bridesmates and myself are venturing down to the Astin Mansion to set the date!

I am so excited! We are definitely leaning more towards November 20th. The conference issue I talked about earlier was easily solved by finding another conference that we can attend in January and after talking to friends, though 10.10.10 is an epically awesome date, 11.20.10 is just as cool and much easier travel wise.

I'm looking forward to this first venue meeting as we will be discussing a whole bunch of things-- like the food, decorations, etc, since a lot of it is all inclusive! So big post tomorrow! Also, Bridesmate JoJo and Bridal Brigadette Miller and I traveled down to Houston on Saturday to attend the BRIDAL EXTRAVAGANZA. It has to be in all caps because it is JUST SO CRAZY AND HUGE AND EXTRAVAGANZA LIKE. I am being flippant, but it is pretty damn big. I took tons of photos on my iPhone and now have to figure out how to upload them, so I can post the *brilliant* photos of bridal gowns with angel wings. Oh yes, there will be snark.

Finding the Date

2009-07-20T20:46:00.000-07:00

So we are seriously contemplating 2 dates for next year, which is just so exciting!

The first is October 10, 2010 (10.10.10)

and the Second is November 20, 2010

Pros for October
Wicked awesome date
We would never forget our anniversary!
It is a Sunday so it would be cheaper!

Cons
We really wanted to do November, since it can still be really hot in October
It is a Sunday, so our out of town guests may not be too pleased? I'm not sure about this.
Also, maybe everyone in the world is going to try and have their wedding on this day since it is such a fantastic date!

Pros for November
It is the weekend after Harry Potter 7, which just means good things everywhere! Plus, friends of ours are already flying in for the Harry Potter premiere (we are nerds) so they would be here already!
It is a Saturday, which means we could do fun stuff on Sunday with our out of town guests. I'm not gonna lie, I love the post wedding thank you brunch.
It is the week before Thanksgiving, which means nice happy giving thanks feelings and also we'd already have the time off to go on a honeymoon!

Cons
It is a Saturday, so it would be more expensive.
This date may fall during a conference for work. Which would mean basically I couldn't go and BRizzle (the florist, jackie of all trades, biffle) who is also a colleague couldn't go either.

Quelle conundrum!

The living is easy

2009-07-13T10:20:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't been around, friends. It is summer time and I think about updating a lot, but I have found recently that updating is a lot like going to the gym.

I think about it a lot, but I rarely do it.

So, today when I was sitting and thinking about going to the gym and maybe updating the blog, I did what I always do-- I turned on Food Network instead. But it was a bridal wedding cake challenge (so of course I had to watch *that* and not go the gym) But, I think we found the answer to our second cake.

Say hello to our new little friend-- the Croque em Bouche
(english translation: Delcious Cream Puffs Stacked All the Way to Happy Town)

It is a very traditional French Wedding Cake. And have I mentioned the cream puffs?! HELLO. How amazing is that?! You can even fill the puffs with different kinds of cream! And it is covered with some carmelized sugar ribbons. So basically you have carmelized sugar and CREAM PUFFS.

Sorry, I'm just really excited!

CREAM PUFFS!

In other news, we are very close to nailing down an actual date for the wedding! And with all of this non-blogging I actually have things to blog about, which is exciting.

Remember that time I had a blog?

2009-06-10T21:14:00.000-07:00

Remember when I updated on a somewhat decent schedule?

Well, then there was summer vacation. And let me tell you how nice it is from working 12 hour days to no hour days. Ahhh. Sippin' my coke zero and thinking of renovations I could do to the house, while sitting on the couch.

And I'm currently in a production of the The Producers right now and between the two, I'm spending my days zoning out on the couch watching HGTV and my evenings parading around as a nympho old lady, a gay lighting designer, and a sad sad chorus girl.

Fun!

But I promise I haven't forgetten the blog. Almost every day I think, I should get on the computer and update.

And then I don't.

I'm thinking of doing quite a few posts on nice places to elope in the great new states that have just recognized LGBT couples as first-class citizens! Woot!

Any thoughts?

Two Steps Forward, Three Steps Back

2009-05-26T11:42:00.000-07:00

"Bear in mind this sacred principle, that though the will of the majority is in all cases to prevail, that will, to be rightful, must be reasonable; that the minority possess their equal rights, and to violate would be oppression" -- Thomas Jefferson

I didn't think I would cry.

But I did.

Do what you can, if you can.

Mrs. Fix-It

2009-05-26T07:44:00.000-07:00

I've been watching a lot of HGTV lately, and it is never a good thing. It makes me feel like I can tackle any project!

My current obsession are recycled glass tile back splashes for the kitchen.

Like this:

Now if only our landlord will let it happen! We will be living in this house for at least another 2 years, so I don't see why I can't do fun DIY projects that will up our quality of living and also help our super awesome landlord re-rent it when we leave. Has anyone installed these little guys before? It seemed pretty easy on HGTV (but a lot of things seem pretty easy on HGTV, like buying a home for instance).

Speaking of the blessed channel of Home and Garden Television. I am in love with the show 'House Hunters' because about every other day or so, I catch a gay or lesbian couple trying to buy a house and it makes me happy. The last one I saw was a cute couple looking to move back to San Fransisco. And man, did they find a sweet condo! I've seen a lot of stuff on SF lately. And another thing I want is this photo, just with me and D instead of the cute couple seen here:
How romantic and cliche, right? I love it.

Another another note, I'm hoping that today we will here a good decision about Prop 8 from the Supreme Court in CA, though I'm afraid to get my hopes up too high. I'm much more nervous than I thought I would be. Even though CA won't effect us as a couple, I feel like it effects us as a community. And this could just be a major blow (or victory!) to equal rights for everyone.

Well, hopefully Happy Tuesday, y'all.

Need a little break?

2009-05-22T07:34:00.001-07:00

So Monday is Memorial Day! How about that! With school dwindling down in Texas, all I can think of is summer vacation. And when I think of summer vacation, or any kind of getaway I close my eyes and think of a lazy day at RiverBarnSuites.

This is the header from the website. You should go check it out. This place makes me smile just looking at it!

I don't know how many readers live in Texas, but if you do and you are looking for a wonderful escape, check it out. D and I found it last year for our respective spring breaks (the joys of teaching!). D and I are both giant Anglophiles and love the idea of Bed & Breakfasts. It was really important to me to find a B&B where we could go and be a couple and not just have to be 'roommates'. I found this funky little site called PurpleRoofs which has a compilation of gay friendly and gay and lesbian owned B&Bs that advertise on the site. If you are ever going on a vacation-- check out that site. It is pretty awesome.

Anyway, we spent 6 days at River Barn last year(named for the fact that it was once an old barn that the owner renovated into these sweet suites.) Now, any time either of us are stressed out we just close are eyes and think of relaxing time we had there. We spent 6 days reading, lounging, playing board games, taking hikes, fishing on the San Marcos and watching the river run by. It was heaven.

Look at that! Couldn't you sit there all day long?

The rooms are giant and the pricing is good, plus you can almost always find some sort of special. And in the summer, you can float the river! The owner also has fun romance packages and offers dinners as well... and dang, she is good cook. And *now* she has river front cabins available for rent as well (something we are eager to check out this summer!).

What are you waiting for? Go check it out!

Now this is a dress

2009-05-19T07:34:00.000-07:00

Helllooo Lovah,

How are you doing this fine Tuesday morning? You are looking ever so cute and ever so dainty and ever so sweet! That embroidery?! Well it is just perfection.

I love the flirty flouncy back too! I look forward to meeting you in the future.
-- Hopefully yours, M.G.

Okay, so seriously. How amazing is this dress?! I found it on Whilring Turban.Com
They do all sorts of *CUSTOM* vintage dresses! This is technically knee length, and if I were to do this, I may go tea length so it is a little more formal. But I LOVE IT. LOVE LOVE LOVE IT. Don't tell me know expensive it is. I don't want to know right now. I just want to think about this sweet thing and smile and smile and smile.

I never thought I would like anything like this, but it just looks so cute! I'm weary of the halter/sweetheart neckline because I'm a little boobilicious, but I think I'll try on some sweetheart styles next time we go shopping and see what it looks like.

Hooray! The angry black cloud of wedding dresses has lifted and a shower of options are raining down. Yay Metaphors!

Suck it, wedding dresses.

2009-05-12T08:00:00.000-07:00

I am seriously detesting wedding dresses at the moment. Every time we go try some on, I have an intense need for margaritas and some form of fatty cheese substance (queso usually) after. Or, you know, the bloomin' onion from the Outback-- WHICH has over your daily allotment for calories in a single bloom. Impressive.

One of our bridesmaids is in town for the summer, so I'm sure the wedding dress adventures will begin again (D already found her dress last time the bridesmaids were in town, so I'll post pictures soon). I generally try things on and look like a giant cupcake. Or look like I'm farting lace.

Example of a prime cupcake dress

People keep asking if maybe I should just wear a suit, and I keep asking if they want me to punch them in the face and to stop being counterproductive.

So, since we are having a 'traditionally non-traditional' wedding-- I'm going to start looking at some retro/vintage dresses and hope I have better luck.

Maine, it is time to elope.

2009-05-07T07:33:00.000-07:00

Hello friends of the blogging world!

It has been a week since my last post, and I apologize. But let's celebrate! Because Maine just legalized same sex marriage and after looking around some places ... I just kind of want to elope!

I found this one place called Bear Mountain Inn and I don't know if it is due to stress, or the whole family stuff, or what but all I want to do is fly up there with D and curl up under some flannel comfy thing and watch the world go by.

I mean, look at this:

Those are the grounds. Yeah. See the GIANT LAKE. You can get married in front of it. Or just sit and watch the lake do its own lake-y thing. See the woods? I want to have a picnic on that giant front lawn.

Oh, Hi Fall! How gorgeous are you?

Doesn't that look like heaven? I'm a faux outdoorsy person. I say this in the sense that I love nature. I love look at it from the comfort of my Adirondack chair. I like hiking... for short amounts of time. I like lakes, until I start thinking about snakes. But in general, this looks like a place that just does a world of good for anyone that stays there.

Um, and they do weddings. Oh yes-- full packages. Weddings, Elopements, Engagement Packages. You name it-- they have it and not for a bad price either. Oh and did I mention that top of the page says "Bear Mountain Inn is a Gay Friendly Bed And Breakfast".

Maine, I need a vacation.

Working Hard, hardly working

2009-04-28T11:52:00.000-07:00

Does anyone have recommendations for a decent books we could read re: Christianity and Homonsexuality? We are running into some fundamental hurdles with D's parentals, and despite our research-- I feel grossly unprepared.

In other news, we don't really have any! We are going to try to set down an actual date for the wedding in the next few weeks after we visit the venue. Also, I have found these save the date magnets on DesignHerGals which is a fun make your own stationary site. I absolutley love these folks. They do a lot of great stuff for breast cancer research and they have some creative stationary and business cards and invitations. I get my business cards printed from them and get compliments on it all the time.

Here is the little thing I made for the two of us:

This was an e-card. So the save the dates would be different. Here is my question.

Is this terrible? Or awesome? I mean, I lurve my business cards, but is this Save the Date worthy?

Exhale

2009-04-21T07:30:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of posts this week. D came out to her parents this week (Tuesday) and it has been quite the rigamarole.

I had this typed up on Tuesday morning to post, but never did. So I've edited it a bit, to make it more relevant to what has happened since

I know, for those that just read the blog and don't know us personally, it may be weird that we are engaged, planning a wedding, but her parents are still in the dark about her sexuality, but then again-- you also don't know her parents. It has taken her a year to get 100% independent. College is over and paid for (except her loans), she has a new cell phone and number not on their plan, our power of attorneys are in place and yesterday I made the drive to pick her up. Even though she bought her car a few years ago, the title is in her parents name, not to mention the insurance. We didn't want to take any risks.

Coming out is a hard thing. But for me, my parents were so supportive it was just a matter of telling them. Sure, I cried (a lot), but to them it was a blip on the radar. Nothing earth shattering at all. Her folks were blind sided. Well her dad said he had suspicions, but to be honest he thinks everyone is gay in a weird paranoid way. To give you an idea of who they are-- They donate money to Focus on the Family. When Ellen came out, her mother watched her show, wrote down every business who advertised on it and boycotted them. They didn't watch a lot of Disney as a child since Disney had 'gay week'. The family isn't fond of 'those queers'.

On the flipside, her mother is a loving, wonderful person, who would give her life to see her little girl happy. I see the love in her eyes and it is an unselfish love, and one that is all consuming. I am pained and torn and watching D go through this is like slowing picking apart stitches or something equally painful. I am trying to be strong for her.

After a lot of debate, she decided on a letter. That initial reaction isn't something one can get over easily. A good friend of mine's mother threw stuff at him-- ironically enough, one of the objects was a bible. Though they are best friend's now, my friend still has problems forgiving that first, initial reaction. So we thought a letter would prevent either D or her folks from saying something they'd regret later in life. Then, we decided, an email is faster and cuts out, essentially, a week of waiting for it to get there, response time, and then the returning letter.

We are prepared for the worst and hoped for the best. I think we got somewhere in between both of those. I honestly felt like we are preparing for a hurricane or something, getting all of our ducks in a row. Contingency plans. Waiting for the storm to hit.

Her parents responded that they will always love her, which was a really good thing to hear. But still, I don't think things will be okay for a long time. Fundamentally, their views and D's views are so drastically different on pretty much everything under the sun. But, as far as 'this' is concerned-- They believe homosexuality can be cured. That it is a phase in some peoples lives that they can develop over time and also overcome. Her mom gave her a book by Kerby Anderson called "A Biblical Perspective on Homosexuality". After I read it I was so angry. Old statistics, out of context quotes, and false justifications make this almost laughable to me, but I know so many people probably take this as a very serious truth. It is frustrating, infuriating, but most of all terribly sad.

Did you know that gays have the right to marry? Yeah! They totally have the right to marry someone of the opposite sex. (This is a direct quote, friends).
Did you know that gays are gay because of peer pressure? Yes, the gay agenda is making it 'okay to be gay' and so it isn't homosexuals fault. It is the Gaaaay Agennndaaaa (read that with a spooky ghost voice).

This leads us to MY question- What was first? The Gay? or the Agenda?

Not to poke light. It is what we are doing now to cope.

Working on The Details

2009-04-14T07:40:00.000-07:00

Here are more photos of the venue we really like. The blue room is where the reception would be held. This means we get to eliminate blue from the color palette (except the hydrangeas) which makes my life a little better.

Though we *thought* we had decided on colors, we are moving towards green and brown. Mainly because I found these two invitations and WE LOVE THEM. With the blue from the "blue room" in our reception-- the colors would be green, brown and blue.

This is from lilribber's etsy shop.

And this is from MewPaperArts

Here is the big dilemma-- both of these are MAJOR spring wedding invites, maybe summer. So do we move the wedding up? Noooo. I think we are going to tell the world to suck it and just have spring wedding invitations for a fall wedding. I mean, it is Texas-- so it isn't like the leaves are going to change and look pretty or anything. It just gets mildly cooler.

Thoughts?

I- Owe-Ya One!

2009-04-09T07:36:00.000-07:00

Hooray Iowa! This is awesome and amazing! As one senator said in relation to Iowa and the caucus-- "Where Iowa goes, so goes the Nation"

What an exciting day! And then Vermont to pass equal marriage rights under the legislature? What a great week for LGBT rights!

I am fighting my own battle right now, we are trying to get a National Day of Silence event in my school, but in a "non-disruptive manner" according to our principal. Every meeting seems to be postponed, and though I know it is only because our administration is terribly busy, it is still frustrating. But I'm keeping the faith and hoping we can have some event, even if it is small. I'll tell ya-- it gets exhausting repeating this conversation over and over again:

Student: Man, My homework is so gay.
Me: Is it?
Student: Yeah
Me: Is it sexually and psychologically attracted to other homeworks of the same gender?
Student: No. I guess it is just stupid then.
Me: Remember that next time.

Location Option

2009-04-07T08:32:00.000-07:00

This is our #1 choice for our wedding location. This gorgeous house was built in 1924 and is a fairly popular wedding venue in our town.

It is gorgeous. GORGEOUS! Reminds me of the north (where I went to school), and reminds D of Pride and Prejudice and all those deliciously romantic novels of yore. I also love it because it is a close walk(two blocks) to the 'hipster' downtown area, where we will be blocking out rooms for the hotel. So, our drunky drunk friends can stumble their way back to their beds without me worrying about DUIs or accidents on my wedding night.

Hold on for a second, while I step up onto a soapbox--

Honestly-- that one issue (drunk driving) is a big deal to me as I was hit by a drunk driver a few years ago and am still dealing with it. Also, I find it irresponsible when brides just assume their guests can 'figure out a way to get home'. If you are having an open bar, or free champagne or whatever-- I think it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to have cabs, or a bus or something to get the people you deem close enough to attend your wedding a safe ride home. I think a lot of big city brides probably don't have that problem. Most major cities have reliable city transit that most people use on a daily basis. In Texas, though, (big cities included) you drive everywhere. In my hometown, on an average Friday night 1 in 3 drivers are drunk, not tipsy, not 'just a beer' but legally over the limit. ONE in THREE.

Okay, soapbox done.

Sooo, I have successfully frozen my computer 3 times trying to load more photos, so I will have to do it at a later time.

But yes-- we are scheduling a tour soon! More photos after my computer stops acting like a whiny 5 year old.

It's A Color Meltdown

2009-04-01T08:15:00.000-07:00

I am in full-tilt stress annihilation right now.

This happens to me every few days when I start thinking about the colors for our wedding.
We've decided the colors are a deep blue, a sage to bright green, and a nice eggplanty purple.

I would try to find these colors for you on the internets, but I'm afraid they may only exist (and may only look good) in my mind.

Mind you, this color choice was decided upon after an influx of bridal magazines. Each one showing me a perfect theme, and a perfect color palette. I think I dreamed a different color every few minutes.

This part. This nit-picky part of weddings, I LOVE! It usually is so great! But when I start to think of the logistics, my eyes start doing that thing where they move back forth really fast and then I get a headache. For instance, BRizzle, the jackie of all trades who accompanied me to the bridal show, asked if D and I's bouquets would be the same.

I had no clue. I still have no clue. Am I supposed to decide on this? The flowers are my big thing. I'm a little bit of a flower snob, I must admit. For instance, I pick the baby's breath out of floral arrangements and ask for wax flowers when I order flowers for delivery because I really do think they are THAT.TACKY. So, flowers to me is like the cake to D.

BUT, the good things that now we have finally chosen a color-- i can freakishly obsess about finding the cheapest, coolest, most coordinating invitations known to mankind.

Etsy-- here i come.

Bridaled Out

2009-03-30T11:19:00.000-07:00

Man, what an epic weekend.

On Saturday, D and I hosted a dinner party at our house. My friend, Harmonious (It isn't her real name, but I call her that anyway), made a delicious vegetarian pasta dish and I tried my hand at some Coq au Vin in a crockpot. It looked fancy! But was nice and easy to make!

While the partay was happening, Harmonious and her boyfriend became our witnesses as we finally signed our PoAs. It was such a tedious task, because we thought we had to get the dang thing notarized, but our only day off of work was Saturday, so-- we scrambled to the bank before it closed, only to discover-- no notary needed.

So that was a little frustrating. But it is done now! Yay! We are one step closer together as a legal couple.

On Sunday, D had to leave tow to visit some relatives, so I went to the Bridal Extravaganza without her. One of our bridesmaids/florist/jackie of all trades went with me and was my rock of sanity during the three hours of florescent lighting and sugar highs.

Many amazing things happened at the Bridal show! I think we nailed down a venue. We are *hopefully* going to to tour the facility sometime this week, but when posed with the "How open are you to gay weddings?" question they responded-- "Well, we are having one in August if that answers your question." And it did! And they won't cost an arm and a leg and it looks like they have on-site catering, which would be really nice.

And so it goes- we may be able to get in touch with another gay couple in our town that is 'gittin' hitched' this summer-- which would be so wonderful!

I'm loading bridal show photos on the computer when I get home.

I hope you had a great weekend!

PoA!

2009-03-20T11:10:00.000-07:00

Hooray! For most of you around the country it was Spring Break for all of those associated with education! It was for me and it was flippin' awesome!

D and I have a PoAs and Living Will! Commenter/Reader/Amazing Person Christina commented that she and her gal went through LegalZoom.Com

And so did we.

EVERYONE-- please, if you need something quick, easy and cheap that covers just about everything go check it out. It took us 6 minutes and only cost us $90 including tax. They priority mailed the package and it took about a week to get it in the mail! (We completed it last Friday, got it in the mail today). This won't cover everything, but it will protect us if D got into an accident-- I would be allowed visitation rights (which was the most important thing for us).

Tonight, two of our closest friends are coming over as witnesses and we will get it notarized at the bank tomorrow! I am excited!

For those in Texas who were looking to go through a lawyer for all this:
The LGBT lawyer is named Timothy Thomas in Dallas. I'd check him out. We will be using him in the future and he totally understood where we were coming from. His estimate for domestic partnership paperwork was around $5,000. So, start saving. There is also another LGBT lawyer in Houston that we looked into Katine and Nechman. These were the folks that represented John Lawrence in the landmark Lawrence V. State of Texas that reversed the sodomy laws in Texas! So they are A. BIG. DEAL. We never ended up contacting them, because D is from the Dallas area, so it seemed like a smart choice to work with Tim.

I hope you are having a Happy Friday!

Tomorrow or Sunday I'll post pics from the wedding we went to last weekend!

About to lay down the mula.

2009-03-13T07:23:00.000-07:00

First and foremost, I want to say THANK YOU! To all the new readers who traveled over here from my friend Meg's blog. Isn't she awesome? Hello! I hope you are having a great Friday! and THANK You to everyone who has made comments. They are very nice, and helpful and encouraging and just wonderful! so Thank you! You are great people!

D and I are going to getting our Power of Attorney done this Monday by some 'big wig' LGBT lawyer in a larger city.

I'm pumped. This is the first of many big steps in our 'official legal relationship'.

I am not pumped that we'll be spending an estimated $350-450 for ONE DOCUMENT.

Doesn't that seem much?

I did some investigative work amongst lawyers in our own town. My hopes skyrocketed when one lawyer said he'd do it for $50. When I asked if that covered medical PoA. He said "No, and who is this for again?"

"My partner."

"Well, business partners don't need medical powers. That is just for elderly people and man and wife."

I really wanted to respond "Oh, well sir, see we are in the LESBIAN business together. So as LESBIAN business partners, it is necessary."

But my freakish need to be nice and polite kicked in. So I just hung up.

Hmmmm.

So to the LGBT lawyer it is. Which, in a way, I'm okay with. All this guy handles are LGBT cases and estate planning. So he knows TX law pretty well (more than pretty well, I'm hoping for $350 freaking dollars). So this means if anything happens, I can call him and for an exorbitant amount of money he will take care of it. Which-- though not very budget friendly, it is comforting in some way.

We are just doing medical PoA for now. Partly to save on cost, and partly because financially we don't exactly have much of anything except college loans.

Exciting day though! And if I can find my digital camera in the murky depths of clutter in our house... I'll take some photos.

Happy Friday!

When do you take a stand? When do you sit and watch?

2009-03-12T06:27:00.000-07:00

This weekend we are traveling to a small(er) town in North Texas for a wedding. I couldn't be happier for this couple. Seeing them together just makes me smile and they share the same ideals, the same goals in life-- this guy and gal have been through thick and thin already and I know that this wedding will be a true celebration of love, devotion, happiness, quirkiness.... etc. Happiness all around.

But did I mention it is in a small town near the Oklahoma border? Conservative City. My fiancee and I, personally, know the groom. The bride and I would be what I call "step-friends". As in, in a group we are chums, but I would never just call her and ask her out for coffee without her significant other.

So, this week D and I are getting ready for the wedding and she turns and asks "Are we going as a couple? Or are we going as roommates?"

It is sad. But I thought "Oh, shit. I better check with the groom first."

Some of you may say-- "NO! You are who you are and people can just suck it!". Or "How dare you deny your love?" Or something along those lines.

And I agree.

But, (here's the big ol' but). It isn't our wedding. This isn't even one of our best friends weddings. This is a wedding of a good friend, and it is not my job to take a stand at their wedding and make their family or less open friends uncomfortable. That. is. not. my. job. My job, as a guest, is to celebrate with them and for them.

But I asked the groom anyway.

His response?

"Of course you are a couple. I invited you as a couple, not as roommates. And I'm in theatre-- so my family better understand that I have gay friends. And they better be okay with it. This is my wedding."

And I smiled, thanked him-- double checked a few times-- and then called D to tell her. So, with his blessing, we will be dancing together at the wedding. Slow dancing even! Not just the chicken dance.

But what if he said no? Could I really blame him?

I don't know if I could.

Gay wedding etiquette. It just seems more complicated than it should be.

Hydrangea Extravaganza!! (Google Search: Hydrangea Wedding)

2009-03-02T11:03:00.000-08:00

Hello! This is going to take a little while to load. But here is the google search for hydrangea wedding. I feel like these flowers are traditional but have a fun flair to them (a bit like us). But they do seem a little restrictive in the type of bouquets you can do. And I know we already have our cake planned out but I like the ruffle cake so much-- I'd be willing to have two cakes.

And really. Two cakes? THAT would be a total travesty. I mean, a plethora of sweet icing, delicious filling and pretty pretty designs? That is just silly.

I love the idea of multiple colors for the bridesmaids.
And that wreath is so pretty.

These are more interesting than the plain ol' hydrangea ball.

These are spring flowers, and are currently in season. You can get them relatively cheap at the grower's market in larger cities. They also make great, simple, and chic table arrangements (the pink one above).

In other news, D and I are getting ready to get our power of attorney in line and I'm freaking out over all of these options. We contacted an LGBT lawyer in a bigger city and the prices for this crap is just ridiculous. I know how important it is. And the cost is honestly why we have been putting it off, and I just don't think we can anymore. But $200 per person per contract? Doesn't that just seem a little steep?

If any of you out there have your PoAs already done, I'd appreciate any sort of help.

Solving the Issue of Self-Confidence

2009-02-24T12:15:00.000-08:00

My last post, I was in a weird, self-doubt phase of my day. I have since taken action and come to a great solution to the unwanted judgment of hick town folk in my city.

I (D can't go, sadly) am going to the bridal show with a gaggle of friends. We are all going to be brides (you get so much free stuff that way, it is a little insane)... and when someone says something a little-- well, inappropriate, we are all going to do this:

This-- for now, seems sufficient.

In other news, we have decided that hydrangeas are in the mix for flowers.

Tomorrow-- hopefully-- some nice google searches and hydrangea mixes.

Hope you are having a good Mardi Gras!

Showtime

2009-02-20T07:34:00.000-08:00

Our city's annual bridal show extravaganza is coming up and I have some mixed feelings about it. One one hand, it is such a great place to go and find new vendors and taste cakes and really nail down some stuff for the wedding, and cross my fingers, find some gay-friendly folks in our neck of the wood.

However, I can't decide if I want to deal with the "No, it isn't a double wedding-- we are marrying each other." It gets old and it gets depressing. What with the looks and the awkward pauses and such-- it just gets tiring. I find it easier to email vendors and ask them how open they are to a gay wedding, because if I receive something offensive back-- I can just delete it.

I know somehow, in some little way, by going ahead with a marriage that isn't even legal in our state, we are standing up to 'The Man' (ha!) but you know what i mean... I know I shouldn't care, but the more I think about it-- I do care! I care about the judgements, the sideways glances, the whispers-- not because of me, but because of all the gay couples before and after us that are going to have to endure the same thing. And the more I think about it, the madder and sadder I get.

Seriously?! These roles need to be reversed. These vendors need to not care what kind of wedding they are working for-- gay, straight, transgendered, interracial-- not those of us that are celebrating their love and devotion to one another.

We just started a GSA here at my school and we are working on buttons to help promote the club. One of my students made a great one of three silhouettes dancing-- two men, two women and a man and a woman... the wording below it said "Music is Music, No Matter the Tune".

Now-- if I could only tell that to one of the bands I'd like to book.

Epic Fail

2009-02-16T08:13:00.001-08:00

So the flu got the best of me. and I fail at life and blogging.
I am recovered, but working twelve hour days this week.
I promise a google search tomorrow.

In other news, Debs and I had a wonderful Valentine's day. It was a late one, because I worked until 8pm. But, as always, it was nice to end the day with her.

I hope all of you had a good valentine's day too, and if you didn't, or you are single, or you don't celebrate Valentine's Day.... I hope you had a nice Saturday.

EEk!

2009-02-13T08:39:00.000-08:00

I have come down with some terrible flu like thing that, most assuredly, my students gave me.
I've been out for the count for the past two days and will try to catch up with the Freedom to Marry posts later this afternoon.

Blech. February is turning out to be a most dreadful month.

Something Old

2009-02-10T11:42:00.001-08:00

Here is the first post in the super awesome blog week (see post below for more info!)

I'm blogging at work today, so sadly I am without amazing photos such as the ones on Dingmoonment. And I'm not doing an amazing thesis right now so am lacking gorgeous poems like the one over here on Female Husband.

But I do have this:
That is an Elvis impersonator. THE Elvis impersonator that married my parents thanks to a wonderful little place called Viva Las Vegas Weddings. That is right-- my parents (well Father and Step-Mother but I just call them the Parentals), were married in the Doo Wop Diner and serenaded by a stellar Elvis two years ago-- which isn't that old, but it is what I have to work with.

Both of the parentals have been married before, so they decided a fun elopement style wedding in Vegas would be great. And it was! It fit both of them perfectly! And they did the deed on Valentine's Day-- to make it that much more kitchy. They then had a celebration of the wedding in our town. This blessing of the marriage is what inspired Deb's and I to possibly go and get legally married elsewhere and come back for a celebration when we return. For my parentals, both ceremonies were beautiful in their own way. No matter what we decided, I hope ours will be too.

These two are perfect for each other and even two years later, they still act like newlyweds (even if it does gross me out to the slightest degree).

So that is what I have for the old-- I'll have to plan something great for "The New"

Freedom to Marry Week-- It is important, friends.

2009-02-09T09:50:00.000-08:00

From Tales of A Female Husband:

Next week is Freedom to Marry Week. Who wants to celebrate LOVE?

I hope you will join me in this blog carnival, which began last year. The way it works is simple. Each day next week, post to your blog or facebook page something on these topics, according to the “olde” wedding tradition:

Tuesday, Feb. 10… Something Old

Wednesday, Feb. 11… Something New

Thursday, Feb. 12… Something Borrowed

Friday, Feb. 13… Something Blue

Saturday, Feb. 14… Valentine’s Day: Celebrate Love

You can post a photo, a memory, a poem, some music, or a combination. Try to surprise us. And once you’re done with your post, if you leave a link in the comment section [at The Other Mother], everyone will be able to check out what you’ve done.

I'm really excited about this! And am trying to think of some good things to discuss. If you are doing it too-- please do let me know. And know this isn't just for LGBT bloggers! Anyone and everyone should do this-- it is a great way to get some topics for your blog.

Partly Cake-y with a Chance of Disaster

2009-02-05T08:07:00.001-08:00

I've already mentioned (lamented?) the lack of Cake-tacular Talent in my area. And I think we are going to have to go out of our budget to get the cake we want.

This is what I love about the two of us-- we have no freaking clue as to colors, locations, flowers, dresses, bridesmaids.... everything that is particularly important in a wedding.

But you know what we've got? The cake.

We want a book cake. A Nerdy Cake of Goodness and Knowledge. I believe one of these is a Colette (from Colette's Cakes) creation, but I googled these to find them, so I'm not entirely sure.

We want our cake to be a representation of us-- so the titles will be books or plays that are special to us (or have a nice meaning).

Ex: All's Well That Ends Well, The Hobbit, Lost in A Good Book

I love this idea. It is truly "us". Since one or both of us have majored in English, taught classes, dabbled in dramaturgy-- this just seems ideal. It will have the detail work that I adore in most wedding cakes, and each book can be a different flavor which will satisfy Deb's desire for the most delicious wedding cake of all time.

Here are the problems we are having with the idea that maybe you can help out with:

1. Cake Topper-- We think we want one (not a 'traditional' one) but something
2. Book Titles-- That don't sound bad! We both love the book Thursday Next: First Among Sequels, but on a wedding cake? Sounds sort of wrong.
3. It could all go horribly wrong. (--->) While this cake is adorable for a going away party, as a wedding cake? no no, my friends. No no!

What are you folks doing for a cake? Or are you doing cake?
Any pointers?

Also, random blogging question-- If I reply to one of *your* comments, do you get a notification?

Happy Thursday!

2009-02-03T19:16:00.000-08:00

I love surveys! I was a'thinking of things to post-- but then I was tagged by Dingmoonment for this-- so here you go:

Make a list of things you can see without getting up: I'm sitting outside, so my lawn chairs, my fence, my patio and my coffee. mmm, coffee.

Favorite football team: The Steelers, and not because they just won the superbowl. I love them because I went to college in the 'burgh and it is mandatory to love all things Steelers.

What are you wearing now? Some comfy pajamas and my Chatham hoodie.

What color is your bedroom? I believe the official paint color is 'Coconut' but it is a nice beige.

What’s the last thing you read/are currently reading? Thursday Next: The Well of Lost Plots. I recommend the Thursday Next series (by Jasper Fforde) to anyone and everyone who loves literature.

What is the last thing you cooked? Italian Sausage and Rigatoni skillet meal

What is your favorite restaurant of all time? 44SW in New York City, a lovely mom and pop Italian restaurant with amazing food

What’s your current obsession/addiction? Arrested Development

What was the last gift you gave? Girl Scout Cookies for Deborah

What was the last thing you bought? Those girl scout cookies

What are you listening to right now? Sufan Stevens

What movie do you know every word to? I'd say the closest thing is Anchorman

If you could have any super power, what would it be? I just want to be Hermione Granger

What is your most challenging goal right now? Saving money, it is a constant struggle

If you could have a house–totally paid for, fully furnished–anywhere in the world, where would you want it to be? Just outside of London, with enough space for a horse

Where is your ideal vacation? Wine Country in California. Me, Deb and tons of vineyards

Name one thing you just can’t resist no matter how bad it is for you: Outback Steakhouse's Bloomin' Onion-- did you know it has 2500+ calories? That is more than your daily alloment!!

If you could meet anyone famous - dead or alive - who would it be? As lame and cliche as it is-- Ellen DeGeneres. I want to be her friend.

If you could have any job in the world , what would it be? Operator of a bed and breakfast

You see a cute baby, what is your reaction? Mreh.

Name one poem or song you would like included in your memorial service
Oh mans, as silly as it sounds-- Desperado

New Question: If your life could have a soundtrack? Name a song on it--
"I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz or "Hot Child in the City" it is good struttin' music

Tagged: I don't know how to do this really-- and I don't have many friends in the blogging world. :( So everyone reading-- YOU are tagged. Link your blog, so I can read it! Your instructions can be found at lazybride

Very Interesting!

2009-01-29T11:13:00.000-08:00

A friend mentioned she couldn't find this blog today, so I just did the basic google: To Each Her Own and what pops up?

A new movie! Here's the synopsis:

'To Each Her Own' is a twenty-something coming of age story of a closeted, young married woman, Jessica Sutterland (Hannah Hogan) whose life is turned upside-down after a chance meeting with openly gay Casey (Tracy Rae).

Interesting! Apparently it has been screening all this past fall at different film festivals.

This teaches me to research before I choose a blog name, but I'm excited to have stumbled upon it.

Here's the movie poster, and a link to the site:

This now begs the question-- do I need to change the name of this blog?

Get Yo' Drink On!

2009-01-28T07:24:00.000-08:00

Trying to plan a wedding right now is like pulling teeth out of a lion-- an angry lion with cavities.
But I have just discovered a beautiful little site called Freecycle. You post things you are trying to get rid of, and you can request things you are looking for, and it is a great way to recycle unwanted things in your house! I'm sure many of you already know if this site/group/amazing thing, but I just discovered it and I'm in love!

Though we don't have much planned (like you know-- colors, flowers, venue, ceremony)... we do know we want a signature drink. And in a shout out to our southern heritage we want to serve said drinks in mason jar mugs. Do you know how expensive those little f'ers are? I'm finding them for $50/dozen... And we are planning on at least 50 guests, so that price is a no go.
But with freecycle? Maybe we can turn someones clutter into our " drinking favors"

If you are curious, we are planning on making our signature drink a fancy little beverage called "Lemoneerdka"

What is this you say? That sounds ridiculous?!

It is ridiculous-- ridiculously cheap and delicious.

Here's the recipe for one pitcher:
1 Bottle Vodka (Cheap Vodka, don't waste your nice stuff on this)
2 Beers (any kind, but generic Miller/Bud/Etc is best)
1 Minute-maid concentrated Lemonade (the kind you find in the freezer section)
Water

So, you pour about 1/3- 1/2 of the bottle of vodka, the beers and the concentrate in a pitcher.
Then you add water (about equal to the amount of vodka you have added).
Then you add ice.

Stir and serve. The great thing is this all depends on your taste. You can use lime-aid, or raspberry lemonade, whatever! And if you believe hard enough you can pretend that you are hydrating yourself while drinking this due to the water you put in.

Let me know if you've tried it and liked it! (or not liked it)

On another note-- while searching for a mason jar mug photo, I came across this mason jar light unit on a blog called Weeping Cheeries:

The blog has step by step instructions-- which seems like such a cool lighting piece for your house or your ceremony!

Mason Mug Photo From Here.

Google Search: Lesbian Wedding

2009-01-27T07:32:00.001-08:00

In an attempt to find fun and funny things to put up here, I'm going to do a weekly google search. It may be anything from veils, to ceremonies, to whatever whatever whatever, but it will be nice, so I hope you like it.

It seemed fitting that the first thing I search for is-- lesbian wedding.

Do you know what horrible terribly tacky things appear when you type in lesbian wedding?

This is from this site here. What is this?! I can't decide if my favorite part is the gilttery rainbow "congratulations" peppered around the couple. Or the said couples awkward hand-hold, OR the Sweatin' To the Oldies headband bride #2 is wearing on her head. I know if one of my friends gave me this in a serious manner, I would cry sad sad tears.

And then there is this gem, which I found on flickr:

While the message (our love is stronger than your hate) is wonderful... well, you know what I'm getting at here....

But then there are the things that make you go "YAY!" Like this great site. It seems to be a pretty great resource of vendors in California:

From When Cally Met Sally

And finally, this beautiful work of art:

I am just learning about the Ketubah (Katubot?) it is written both ways on the website, and I am not Jewish, so I don't know which one is correct. I think it is lovely, though generic and not written specifically for the couple, the wording is great! And this company, A Good Company, seems spectacular, and well... good!

That is it for google search one! Do you have any gems that you've found on any of your searches?

Hello there, ye young lass, how bout a wedding mass?

2009-01-26T08:47:00.000-08:00

Finding a gay-friendly venue in our fair state is a bit of a challenge. I apologize for not posting last week, but I was at an educational conference. While I was there, I ran into some dudes from the Texas Renaissance Festival and we started the wedding talk.

How nerdy is it to get married at a Renaissance Faire? Pretty nerdy, but we are nerds and love the renaissance and when you start thinking about all the troubles of finding gay-friendly caterers, bartenders, cake makers, etc.... it starts filling your head with stress and doubt and terrible thoughts about eloping to a rinky-dink ceremony in Canada with you, your fiancee and the no-one else. Or worse-- not going through with anything at all.

Gasp.

But Renaissance Festival, they seem pretty gay friendly. I just sent them an email, and I'm waiting on a reply. Overall, it is a pretty cheap place to get married, with it working out to just about $20 a guest. And the most expensive (and I'm talking-- lots of crap in this package) is $6500-- including flowers, cake and tickets for guests.

The nerdy tudor history dork in me just died and went to heaven....

Drawback: You can't bring in your own cake or food. And you are getting married at a renaissance festival (so there may be some unsightly folk around).

Plus: One stop wedding shop, with nothing overlooked.

I must admit, it is being thrown into the pot of our venues to look into.

Hey, Good Lookin'-- Whatcha Got Cookin?

2009-01-15T12:21:00.000-08:00

I am obsessed with the Food Network.

No really. I can't cook, but I feel that watching the Food Network makes me a better cook in theory. I know fancy words like 'julienne' and 'blanche' and 'fondant'. I can pretend to know how lamb should be cooked and how to make risotto. When I lived in NYC for two years, I even tried to get an internship in their accounting department-- and I hate math.

The one problem with this network, well, one show in particular--

Ace of Cakes.

It is giving me ridiculously high expectations of what our wedding cake should be. I live in a smallish town in Texas, so finding a moderately talented cake decorator is a problem. Finding a gay friendly moderately talented cake decorator is an even bigger one.

Hi. I'm Duff Goldman. I'm ridiculously talented and have a team of super-hero cake decorators that make my cakes amazing and they taste good too! Good luck trying to find something like this in the real world, bitches!

And the cake is a big f'ing deal to us. Deborah loves food, and she loves cake more than food-- more than I love the food network. And I love the astethic of quirky cakes that show a couple's personality, so we are in quite the conundrum. There isn't much more to say about it now, other than I'm sending out email after email to companies in Houston, Austin and Dallas, but is it worth the $200-400 travel fee? On top of a cake for 50-75 people?

I. Just. Don't. Know. (I actually don't think so, but the cake is one thing we agreed not to skimp on with our budget)

In the meantime, I'm reading Cake Wrecks, which is a good honest laugh at other people's expense. Check it out.

Pretty shiny things

2009-01-14T12:31:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to write the 'story of our engagement' for about thirty minutes now, and it is pretty boring to people who aren't me and my fiancee. I even toyed with not writing about it, but if you are reading this-- maybe you want to know? Curiosity and all that! And in an attempt to keep it short-- Here is what you need to know:

1. We weren't planning on getting engaged until sometime this year (2009)
2. We found our rings at an outlet mall for 75% retail value (aka hella cheap)
3. We thought it was silly to own pretty shiny things and not wear them
4. We didn't just want to say-- "Oh hey we are engaged now"
5. I surprised her with a homemade dinner and the ring was sitting on top of her favorite dessert.
6. She got down on one knee.
7. We both cried.

There! Isn't that better than reading four giant paragraphs about random things that are really only important to me? I mean, I'll admit it. I'm a sap. I'm a romantic. I like tulle, organza, rose colored lighting and pretty shiny things, but after reading my fair share of different couples' wedding websites (and theknot.com has a plethora) you get a little bored.

In the end of all the engagement hub-bub, we set a goal for ourselves-- we are going to try to plan our wedding like our engagement. Finding things we like, and then finding them for 75% off.

So that means a lot of DIY or DIWYF (Do It With Your Friends) or if it comes down to it-- MYFDIWY (Make Your Friends Do It You)

It won't be easy, but it would be pretty sweet.

We have tentatively set a date for November 2010, giving us ample time to cruise the interwebs, flea markets, and outlet malls for great finds. We aren't trying to have a 'cheap wedding', we are looking at it as an adventure.

For those reading, or who will come across this later-- what was your engagement like? In 7 points or less? And does it reflect in your wedding plans?

So are you going to stand in a circle and hold hands?

2009-01-13T14:02:00.000-08:00

When we announced our engagement, we were greeted with many congratulations, a few comments I'd like to block from my mind, and a ton of questions. Some were clearly jokes (So are you going to stand in a circle and hold hands?), but when I heard "So, like, are you like, the bride or the groom?" for the tenth time, I realized that maybe explaining a gay wedding was not as easy as I hoped it would be.

Here are the top four questions I've gotten that make me want to slap the person who asked it with a bouquet of calla lilies and call them an idiot:

1. So, can you actually do this here?
No, we can't and thank you oh so much for reminding us. And before you ask-- Yes, we were planning on going to California, but... we all know how that turned out.
Who cares though? (We do, but let us pretend we don't care about our civil rights for a few seconds) We still want a kick ass celebration of our love and a damn good excuse to look pretty and party!

2. Are you both wearing dresses? Cause I mean, you're kind of butch.
I'm chubby- not butch and there is a difference, but thanks for trying. We are both wearing dresses. It is a personal choice, and many different couples choose different things.

3. So how am I gonna know who is the bride and who is the groom?
Well, seeing as there are two women-- there is no groom. I find this is the answer that makes peoples heads explode. They cannot grasp this notion.

4. Are your colors going to be rainbow?
No. And never speak that question again, or I will not be responsible for my actions.

Have you gotten any questions that make you want to shake your head and walk away?

Photo from: www.designergayweddings.com

New Year, New Blog

2009-01-05T12:43:00.000-08:00

Well, hello there. Aren't you looking fancy with your computer and searchings for wedding things. Nice to meet you, and I hope to see you again.

I'm Michelle-- the author of this brand new blog. To be honest, I never understood the idea of wedding blogs until I got engaged this past September. Before this engagement, I thought wedding blogs were simply internet gatherings of Bitchy McBitchertons to flaunt their own gorgeous, gaudy, cheap, eco-friendly, animal loving, or you name it wedding and then pick apart and taunt others for their clearly less than evolved sense of style. And I sort of hated wedding blogs because I felt like I was in high school again.

But then I got engaged, and started reading these blogs because a friend of mine mentioned some sites to me, and I went to them-- and I was intrigued! and confused! World of Worlds! Wonders of Wonders! There is so much to do, and so many options, and my brain was spinning and my eyes were doing this thing were they dart back and forth and it was all very exciting!

And scary.

There is a plethora of wedding books, blogs, and family advice for the 'traditional' couple, but what about me and my fiancee-- Deborah? Not too much out there. And while I am in love with TwoBrides and Wedding Bee, I can't seem to find much more. And I need help! And maybe you need help! So let us help each other.

I hope to see you again!