Thursday, November 12, 2009

Full Speed Ahead!

The holidays are fast approaching, and D and I are gearing up for our epic mini-vacation to New York City for the Thanksgiving break. I love this time of year! But I feel like it goes by too fast. First you leisurely waltz into Halloween, then you have a nice month of fall and then Thanksgiving but then BAM, just like my parents 180lb St. Bernard, Christmas knocks you over and says I'M HERE! I'M HERE!

That St. Bernard in question is Suki. And that Basset is Lily. Imagine THESE GALS running full speed to greet you!
Now, imagine it with a SANTA hat.

Epic planners (and budget conscious folk too) we are starting to plan out what to buy family and how much to spend, etc. And the question of multiple gifts keeps popping up. As in, do we buy each person a gift separately? Or one together? This question is particularly difficult when it pertains to gifts for D's family.

Oh, yes. We will be visiting them over the holidays. We will be going there for a day or two to celebrate with her family. And D has made it very clear that we go together or don't got at all. And gifts will be bought, and Christmas will be had. But do we buy one gift? two? one each?

Do I seem like I'm trying too hard if I buy them one, separately, as well? Will they read it as a ploy to get them to accept our relationship/like me as a person/not see me as the scaaaaaaaary lesbian that took their precious daughter away? Or me being that nice friendly girl they once thought as a "part of their family" (exact quote!)

I think it is rude for me NOT to get them a gift, they are after all my fiancee's parents. Especially if I am going to be spending part of the holidays with them. But I also think putting our both our names on a gift may be seen as cheap?

Bridesmate Jackie of All Trades believes that once rings are on hands, gifts are given as a couple. But I'm just not so sure.



c.r.a. said...

Hmm, it's a good question. I do usually give a smallish gift of my own to my fiancee's mom, and she usually does the same for my folks. But no separate presents for other relatives, those are all joint. I just think it's a nice little extra thanks, especially if you are having the holiday at their house.

That said, I think it's totally okay for them to be joint, this is just how we've done it so far (this will be our 3rd joint holiday season).

Kathryn said...

This is a realm of complication for me too...

I started buying gifts for Sean's parents and his sister/her husband, but really because they started giving me gifts separately from Sean.

In general, I think a joint gift is totally acceptable, though.

Maybe you could bring a small hostess type gift on the side - like a box of cookies, wine (do they drink, I hope so for your sake), or a poinsettia (sp?)
I think that is always nice, but not totally necessary either.

Rachel said...

I think that a joint gift is perfectly fine for right now; in the future, if your relationship with your future in-laws became closer/less strained, then individually given gifts would be appropriate.

A hostess gift, as mentioned above, would be a good idea for you, as a guest, to give.

By the way, congrats on your engagement. . . I'm out of the loop these days and didn't know. I'm excited for you!