Friday, February 20, 2009


Our city's annual bridal show extravaganza is coming up and I have some mixed feelings about it. One one hand, it is such a great place to go and find new vendors and taste cakes and really nail down some stuff for the wedding, and cross my fingers, find some gay-friendly folks in our neck of the wood.

However, I can't decide if I want to deal with the "No, it isn't a double wedding-- we are marrying each other." It gets old and it gets depressing. What with the looks and the awkward pauses and such-- it just gets tiring. I find it easier to email vendors and ask them how open they are to a gay wedding, because if I receive something offensive back-- I can just delete it.

I know somehow, in some little way, by going ahead with a marriage that isn't even legal in our state, we are standing up to 'The Man' (ha!) but you know what i mean... I know I shouldn't care, but the more I think about it-- I do care! I care about the judgements, the sideways glances, the whispers-- not because of me, but because of all the gay couples before and after us that are going to have to endure the same thing. And the more I think about it, the madder and sadder I get.

Seriously?! These roles need to be reversed. These vendors need to not care what kind of wedding they are working for-- gay, straight, transgendered, interracial-- not those of us that are celebrating their love and devotion to one another.

We just started a GSA here at my school and we are working on buttons to help promote the club. One of my students made a great one of three silhouettes dancing-- two men, two women and a man and a woman... the wording below it said "Music is Music, No Matter the Tune".

Now-- if I could only tell that to one of the bands I'd like to book.


lovejustice said...

Thank goodness I found your blog! A breath of fresh freaking air in all this close-minded wedding nonsense! My transgender groom and I are planning a wedding for next spring. A few years ago I began the planning process with my ex-fiance and faced so many of the same things -- vendors handing us information about double weddings and informing us that they couldn't do it because it wouldn't be legal -- it was beyond infuriating. Good luck with your planning! I look forward to reading more!

*Michelle said...

Those vendors need a smack upside the head! ESPECIALLY in a small town they need all the business they can get!! I thought it was bad when I was at a bridal show and a couple of guys were trying to find a photographer for their wedding and when asked the photographer pulled out another binder of pictures that he had HIDDEN under the table that was of all the gay weddings he had done. I thought that was terrible but at least he was kind and friendly and seemed to have no twitching/staring/awkward pauses when talking to the couple. Business is business and who's marrying who is not their personal concern! yeesh. .... stepping off the soap box now.

Terry said...

Theres no need to feel like you "shouldn't" be angry and upset about being continually slighted. Those of us built to walk off the beaten path may need to develop thick skins, but human beings have built-in reasons to care what others think. It warns us of danger. Sometimes it guides us well. We are social creatures. People are already trying to take enough human rights from you- dont hand them your right to outrage as well.

Rachel said...

Of course you care! Standing up to the man is exhausting and it's unfair that you have to do it.
But I really believe, in my heart of hearts, that if people keep standing up everyone will eventually see that letting people love whoever they love will not make the world collapse. So you're making things easier for everyone who comes after you.
Not that it makes it any less exhausting.

Anonymous said...

I hear you, girl. My fiance and I (both women) just got turned down yesterday by a photographer who didn't want to shoot anything he "couldn't use for his portfolio." I tactfully (even though he was less than) pointed out that we were in Seattle, a very progressive place, and he might want to consider opening up his PAYING clientele to "non-traditional" couples - of which there is a sizable market here. I did not hear back. our first roadblock, and I'm trying to thicken my skin, but sometimes I actually forget about how unaccustomed people are to this. I'm not unrealistic, but to us it's just love, and so few people - straight or otherwise - are lucky enough to really find that. I used to advise the GSA group at the HS I worked at, and that small action made a big difference for me in dealing with the ignorance and intolerance in the world.

Maria's yoga said...

I actually think you have every right to be upset about being discriminated against. I know I would be. I say those are vendors you don't want to do business with anyways. Hopefully one day soon, you won't even have to worry about people caring whether you marry a man or a woman. So I say, keep holding your head up high, and don't let other people's hate get to you. Well, try not to.